Mental health and roleplaying

This is somewhat of an off-topic post, it doesn’t directly relate to roleplaying, nor is it something that’s unique to Argent Dawn or Warcraft in general. By most accounts however, 2020 has been a terrible year, with all manner of ugly societal issues making themselves known, and a pandemic that has kept most of us indoors more than we would otherwise be. It’s a stressful time for many, and that stress can carry over or even be caused by our hobby.

Unlike the homophobic behaviours put on Argent Dawn, I believe that AD’s mentality to people with stress, mental health issues, or IRL problems in general is pretty great. Almost every guild I’ve been in has been compassionate towards my anxiety or my depression, as well as understanding and empathetic towards the plights of others, and I hope that continues to be the case for myself and others going forwards.

The real point I want to get to with this thread, is that IRL comes first. OOC comes first. Regardless if you are a member, an officer, or a GM of a guild, your health and well-being comes above anything that happens on screen. People might be upset that their roleplay is cut short, but any roleplayer worth their salt should be more upset that the person behind the screen is doing poorly. If you need to take a break, if you need to step away, if you need to stop playing all together: That’s okay.

Maybe this thread is somewhat irrelevant to a lot of people, and it’s stating the obvious. But I’ve personally allowed myself to fall into the trap of adhering to expectations and standards that literally nobody is holding me to, and if this thread can help others realise that they are in that same trap, then I feel like it’s worth making.

Look after yourselves. Look after each other. It’s a rough time for everyone out there and a little bit of consideration goes a long way.

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Well said.

AD is very tolerant to a lot of things, mental health included as you said (most of the time anyway - can’t speak for two people or so). It’s very nice to see. Since lockdown there have been lots more arguments. However, nobody is seemingly being as nasty as they once were (an observation) or maybe it’s just coincidence.

Either way, mental health is a screwy thing and never ever everrr put a game first.

Also, don’t forget there’s lots of digital support out there if texting or via phoning. People are willing to listen.

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I agree with everything except:

Yes, do look after yourself. But don’t look after everyone you encounter that seems to have issues or problems. You’re not their therapist or something along those lines. And if you got big problems yourself, then don’t burden yourself with the problems of someone else additionally. It will only cause you more mental problems. If someone doesn’t change their behavior or is even toxic to you, then that’s not worth the trouble.

You can’t save everyone. But you can save yourself.

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I probably elaborated on that point quite poorly, it was more of a sentiment than an instruction. That being said, you don’t need to be someone’s therapist to hear their problems, nor do you need to be someone’s therapist to support them during the worst of it.

Obviously you’re correct in that we can’t force others to get better, and defintiely shouldn’t be helping others while not helping ourselves, and I apologise if it came off as me trying advocate for everyone solving everyone elses problems, when the sentiment was moreso “If you can help, please do.”

Also for sure, don’t hang around toxic people in the hopes that they will change. That’s always an unfun time.

Edit: Sorry for the edits.

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I agree with most of the things said. I would however like to add, that a lack of interest and/or knowledge, can quickly turn people to consider you as something you’re not. Or, they have assumptions, of what some things are, which can be down-right incorrect.

For example, most people believe, in my humble opinion, that only Veterans of War or military/police can suffer from PTSD. Thus, I’d like to add… That IF you’d like to try and help someone, don’t just look at a diagnose alone.

Ask the person, if they’re able/willing to explain what their dignoses means to them, and how -they- experience it, as no-one is a perfect text-book example of any diagnose and mental health is very unique and complex.

I myself, have several conditions; Aspergers, ADHD, Depression, Anxieties, and PTSD. I also have physical conditions, such as Crohn’s Disease, Fibromyalgia, Rheumatism and Meniere’s Disease. It’s a constant battle, everyday. So, when I find people, that accept me, for me, it makes my life easier.

But just as my Diagnoses are no excuse to act toxic, or unkind, I believe it’s the same for those that look at me, and interact with me. In the past, and in the future.

I shouldn’t need “thicker skin” to be around other people, just as I won’t blame a person that accidentially triggers my PTSD. We all need to be considerate and reasonable. :slight_smile:

As a side-note, from my own observations, I believe we all need to respect the meaning of certain things like “Triggered” and “PTSD”, and not hollow them out with fleeting jokes, as it desensitizes people and belittles the actual struggle. Nor use “Autistic” or “Aspergers” or other conditions as a derogatory term.

This can make a sufferer feel, as people don’t take them serious, or laugh at their struggles. But this is merely a thought, and I’m in no-way trying to tell people what to think, do and say.

Role-Playing, for me, is a way to take my mind of constant physical pain, and mental anguish. And as I believe it is for many others; An escape from everyday life, and all that goes on in the world at the moment.

And I’ve learnt to balance my conditions, with my time online, and not let people’s assumptions, bring me down. I have good friends, that bear with me, when I need rest and a time-off from the game.

If you suffer from Mental Conditions, “Issues”, etc. You’ll find good friends like that too, just give it time, and you’ll also realize that there are more like you out there, and that you’re -not- alone, or alone in your struggles. :heart:

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Absolutely the case. Similarly, people with depression are not necessarily perpetually sad 24/7, nor do people with anxiety persistently feel anxiety at all hours of the day, it can come and go. Also the case with schizophrenia so frequently being mischaracterised as this evil pox upon the brain that causes someone to either be some sort of psychotic killer, two people living in the same body, or both. It’s just another condition that’s unpleasant to live with as any other mental disorder can be.

Really eloquently put, and wholly agreed. When I have anxious or depressive flare-ups when trying to roleplay recently for example, I don’t blame the person who’s approached me for not knowing about my state of mind - how could they know, when all they see is an in-game avatar?
I hope however that people who are aware of what causes you stress and discomfort do their best to avoid it, even if those who aren’t acquainted with you couldn’t know that information.

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I’ve never really overly open about it on the forums here so I’ll speak a little. However I feel quite a few people could piece the puzzle together enough to figure it out really. I’ve been depressed for years, last year I tried to do some therapy through grouped seessions to try and get some help to work through it but it didn’t help whatsoever. Maybe group therapy wasn’t for me, maybe I need to do something more one on one.

I’m feeling a lot more lows than high lately, worser lows even. It gets in the way of me doing things that I might have normally have done to help get my mind of things and uplift my mood for a bit even if for a while. It’s still really helpful that I’ve small group of friends to talk to on a daily basis, people I’ve met from Argent Dawn who has often been quite supportive of me and my position, where I’m at in life.

This affects me quite a lot too. I’m often trying to do things to self-improve through loss of weight, going back to finish my studies, getting a job, etc. Naturally I can’t do them all at once but these are stepping stones I’d like to take.

There’s a few obstacles in the way when it comes to pushing past that wall for me. I’m often speaking negatively about myself, and believe the words I say when I say them. There’s also the matter that when I do get that small bit of motivation or energy to do something about it, it’s often knocked down by those around me who say I’m not doing enough. It really beats me back down, because I go back to finding myself doing comparisons and much more.

I’ll quit my rant though. Just felt like talking a little in regards to myself and my mental health as a person. It’s a vicious cycle that I’ve allowed myself to be dug into, and the hole just keeps getting deeper making it more difficult to climb out of.

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I think this is a pretty good advise. Be support, be a friend, but don’t be a therapist. Even when well meant, people have a knack of saying just the wrong things to someone with mental problems. There is always a chance that you make their problems worse rather than better.

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Notable well-wishes of good intent that get frustrating to hear time and again include telling the anxious to calm down or the depressed to cheer up. Or asking why you aren’t doing well when that low mood hits - the answer can just be the diagnosis a lot of the time.
I don’t dislike people that do this because their hearts are certainly in the right place, but re-establishing that it isn’t helpful time and again can certainly wear on one’s patience.

Edit: Apologies for speaking mostly from the standpoint of depression and anxiety, they’re the ones I have personal experience with and thus the ones I default to for examples. This doesn’t mean that other conditions don’t suffer from this as well, I’m absolutely sure they do, I just cannot speak for the experiences of others.

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You’ve nothing to apologize for, really, as you said, it is from a personal point of view, such things you experienced.

As you yourself said.

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I’ve found more acceptance of my rather fragile mental state here, on World of Warcraft, than I have online. This isn’t an advert, but I can say from experience the best sort have always had kind and compassionate people that understand why you cannot log in for events, why you may need to take long periods of inactivity.

So here’s my short list of ones with kind and compassionate people, in no ranking or order (and not at all every guild I’m in):

  • Highblood Myrmidons, these guys helped me through the darkest months of my life a few years ago and I will always owe them a debt. There’s an understanding between members that is just :ok_hand:

  • The Lost Tribe, led by Yati up there. The guild has such a relaxed vibe and an understanding leadership that it honestly just calms me down even speaking in the guild chat, while the RP is just like taking a warm bath and forgetting about the troubles of the world for a while.

  • Copper Street Solutions for being entertaining and lighthearted (as well as having the lovely Arnie as leadership, the big man gets it.) Sometimes you just need to scam some mooks to cheer yourself up, right?

  • The Assemblage of Uld, for being led by the wise and kind Ryder who tolerates a lot of nonsense I put out. They’re the best Gnome RPers on the planet and everyone’s so KIND :]

And in general, having kind and positive interactions with other people OOC helps so much. Even if it’s just a quick “Thanks for the RP!” whisper after a random meeting between characters, it helps. <3

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You can’t roleplay if your real life is falling apart, common sense. But ideally people with whom you RP with will understand this and be supportive if you fall short from expectations.

It’s understandable also people may still get a little pissed when they expect you to “be there” and then you drop suddenly, if they had included you in their plans and we all are paying that monthly sub, delayed plans mean more subbing if you planned to use the money for something else during later months. Or if getting a bit angry was about being hurt from feeling let down by the one with issues, because of “false hopes” and “broken promises” - even if unintended. But that isn’t an excuse to judge mental health issues or anything else.

I’ve seen most of people being supportive when they hear about you having issues or don’t always fit into the norm. One doesn’t need to become a therapist in order to show understanding. Having people act with compassion when you struggle to keep up, that’s a more rare case however (ie. reaching out for you). But nobody is obliged to over extend from their end either. Just as those who have mental health issues aren’t obliged to stay if they need to step away for their own good. And even if they stayed, their issues would only start affecting the people they RP with eventually and then everyone’d be struggling.

Agreed. Imho it’s okay to explain that certain conditions may influence your behavior in order to seek understanding. But it isn’t an excuse to tolerate bad behavior or become totally helpless/passive, especially if repetitive. Points to those who can work things out even if they had to see glimpses of someone’s less than healthy side too.

One reason why we need less toxicity on this server OOCly, that would make RP as difficult as RL is sometimes with all judgemental people etc… It would be unrealistic to expect a safe haven type of community here, but at least when you can interact with others without hostility, judgement or abuse of your flaws, it makes for a better community already.

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I don’t disagree, because it certainly is frustrating for all involved if someone drops out or doesn’t attend something they said they’d attend, but I would argue that the frustration for the person suffering from mental health that’s walling them off is often far worse, because it’s likely an everyday or otherwise common occurance in a lot of cases. The best we can hope for is that everyone is upfront. When I join new guilds, I’m quick to explain my current position in life, I’m generally very open about what goes on upstairs in my head. However, that’s not necessarily an expectation we can ask of everyone. For some, this is still something that’s very difficult to talk about.

I do agree with most of the other points you made, but I will say:

Bad behaviour for sure, but helplessness, passiveness, and repetition on those two parts often can’t be helped. We often don’t have much control over our flare-ups or episodes, especially in the case of anxiety where the direct cause of the anxiety could be roleplaying in front of several people, and what could make the anxiety worse in the long-term is deciding not to put yourself in that position again, as it’s an ailment that worsens the more you try to avoid it, cruel as that is.

Apologies if I’ve misconstrued the points I criticized, but like I said previously I do agree with pretty much everything else you put there.

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Reminds me of when I had to leave my guild to be run by the other leader for 1-2 years due to IRL and I just got called ‘lazy’ after I had explained my case :roll_eyes:

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That’s genuinely awful and I hope that person has learned to be more understanding of conditions beyond our control. I also hope the people you surround yourself with now show a greater degree of understanding.

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That’s true in a sense. There’s been times I’ve become passive, insecure if not even defiatist after certain amount of disappointments, ones that just keep piling up more than good experiences! Still I gotta try pushing myself to interact with others because it’s a form of rare luxury anyone would reach out for me, especially in a consistent manner. If one doesn’t help themselves, nobody will… or if someone else does, they have luck and charisma I don’t possess. :'D

When it becomes overwhelming, best thing to do is to just try doing something else instead of rotting in game. Not that I always follow that advice myself however.

That’s understandable as well. Depends on intensity of anger and how it’s expressed. Been guilty of both, sometimes dropping when mental health acts up, and judging angrily when I’ve felt I’ve been let down by someone. Sometimes behind that angry judgement, appreciation of that person still remains as well as knowledge that you’re reacting angrily to the situation instead of being angry at the person for having issues. And regardless of having seen that side, I’m not a fan of facing judgement due to having to drop either. Being upfront and honest are the best policy, but can’t quarantee everyone values it.

You’re free to criticise my points any time! :slight_smile: Makes a good conversation.

Either that was some really misplaced banter or people just didn’t want to get it. Sorry to hear it happened.

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This. Knew the guy she dated and tldr broke up cause she wouldn’t acknowledge mental health.

Good news is that people around me these days do understand and I’ve lots of support!

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I want to take the opportunity to do an appropriately short shout-out to all RPers with mild or severe ADHD/ADD.

We forget things, we get distracted, and sometimes RSD kicks us in the face, but we’re still here and still having fun with friends.

Y’all are doing great and know that others think so, too, even if it can be difficult to believe it sometimes.

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Thank you and you too! At one stage i put in waaay to much time onto the game and kinda lost touch with my irl friends which made me hella depressed, then went on a break to reconnect.
something similair on GD
https://eu.forums.blizzard.com/en/wow/t/consequences-of-overplaying/150449?u=twiluna-argent-dawn

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I think it is always worth talking about, and normalising talking about mental health stuff.

The only guild Im in on any character at the moment has the firm rule that RL>RP; whether thats stuff coming up or just being in a really bad head state on any given day, it is always ok to dip out if needed.

That understanding and kindly attitude is such a great thing, even though I have to still battle the part of me thay labels too many things ‘my fault’ or stuff to apologise for heh.

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