It’s a friday evening, cult time is finally over.
Chad Proudbolt, also known as the terror of Boltimore, can’t wait to get home and use his recently-learnt dark magic against his poor, unprepared foes while heavily being on speed.
He logs in and looks at his main character, on which he has proudfully earned his 1750, 2000, 2200 and 2400 achievements this season.
“I’m so good at this game!”, he thought for himself.
He whispers his loyal resto druid teammate,
“Let’s own some puny mortals lmfao”
The sound of the 2v2 queue makes him ecstatic.
“I can’t wait to send these rats to the twisting nether!”
Queue pops, and Chad looks at the screen with a smile,
“Ruins of Lordaeron, let’s be a f’ing pain in the a$$ 24/7 lmao”, he thought while cooking up his edible magic cannabîs cookies called “Healthstones”.
He says to his healer before the gates open,
“Just stay behind me and put some hots up on me occasionally, restealth and push for a stun and repeat x 50. I will carry you so hard you won’t ever want to play with another spec again!”
Chad puts up his gateway and proceeds to use the super high skill-cap elite spell arsenal; immolation, fear, root, chaos bolt and havoc > mortal coil.
He spams the already-hammered in buttons 1, 2 and 3.
“I’m such a beast, these baddies have no chance! I have insane pressure!”, he yells out loud in a roaring voice with a clearly affected central nervous system from all the speed.
The opposing players do their best and try to outplay Chad the best they can, but to no avail.
“Wtf are they doing? So bad lmao”, Chad thought.
“If they push in, I will punish them by nuking their a$$es.
If they turtle, I will punish them by giving my healer an easy time drinking to full mana. I am the ultimate punisher!”
The opponents are already seeing the darkness of the twisting nether reaching closer, knowing they’re close to not entering the game ever again. Not just because they won’t be able to, but also because they don’t ever want to face such a warlock like Chad ever again.
Chad thinks for himself,
“I’m outplaying these noobs so hard lol! I’m so pro that my druid is getting mana drinks repeatedly! This druid will literally bone me and use wild growth on me irl after this.”
Chad eventually lands a kill after repeatedly being a tanky turret, and as he proudly celebrates his win by reaching for another Chad-specialty “healthstone” and swipe the chicks on tinder like he swipes the floor with his opponents, he thinks for himself,
“Damn I’m such a beast.”