Dearest Customers of Nerd Butcher, purveyors of fine meats.
Today, the 1st day of August 2021, marked the Stranglethorn Vale fishing competition! A wonderful day was had by most participants, however the Butchery Reporting And Information Network (BRAIN for short) has received a tip-off that there were multiple skirmishes along the Stranglethorn Vale coastline!
There were many well-meaning participants from so many different guilds on both sides of the Horde/Alliance divide, however the aforementioned skirmishes are reported to have indeed spoiled the day, at least for some of the eager master baiters!
Our field reporters understand that the following guilds were on the Vale:
Representing the interests of the alliance:
- <Practice> - (or something similar sounding, our reporters were so unimpressed by this guild’s performance they couldn’t be bothered to write the name down properly)
- <Epoch>- (the definition of which is: “a particular period of time in history or a person’s life.” however we are petitioning the Azerothian Orcish Dictionary to change this meaning to "Folk who enjoy relaxing on the ground after being smacked by a two-handed sword)
- <TheGuild> - (people with broken space bars)
Representing the interests of the Horde:
- <Nerd Butcher> - (A prolific outfit of hardened high-street meat vending veterans who are eager to use their sharpened blades on the still-living bodies of Alliance nerds)
- <Baker Boys> - (I guess they bake stuff, I don’t know)
- <Gar mak> - (Orc only guild that has a Blood Elf member)
- <Gob Mob> - (People who enjoy looking at mouths, I think?)
Battle report
The day started with a nice Night Elf chap, by the name of Moonracer trying to catch some tastyfish for the competition, he seemed to doing well based on the foul smell coming from him (though that could have just been his underpants!) getting skewered on the end of Shvilkovsky’s sharpest dagger. Sorry buddy, I don’t think those fish will be very tasty when they’re covered in blood!
Riding by, following this slaughter was a priest by the name of Dompi, who received a butchering so severe we had to send his head off to the Ironforge Dental Records department to identify him! (They charged 500 gold!) Somehow, he became reanimated and met a second fate, not dissimilar to his first. We found no evidence of tastyfish on this nerd’s corpse, probably because his skill in fishing matches his skill in staying alive.
Then along came a huntsman named Tressum, who, bless his cotton socks, put up a bloody good fight! Unfortunately for him, we put up a better one, and buried him in the sand! He seemed to be very angry during the fight as he became extremely red and started shouting obscenities. Again, no fish were found on this person, presumably because he got so angry he snapped his fishing rod in half. Oh well, at least they’re cheap hey?
Finally, the Nerd Butcher heroes returned, to Booty Bay with their protégé “Chuck” in tow, who seemingly sucked at fishing despite our efforts to protect him, to claim a second prize at the fishing competition. Waiting for our heroes at the competition headquarters were two warlocks who were quickly dispatched following an EPIC fireball and shatter combo from two excellent mages called Semitism and Spiney! The Booty Bay guards were so impressed with their work they didn’t even try to beat them up, and actually sent them 100g in the mail.
After this, the group disbanded, following a job well-done and a fishing session well disrupted.
Thanks for reading, and be sure to tune in next week for another report on the Fishing Extravaganza and Associated Slaughtery Times (FEAST for short).