Yeah, got this review deleted for using ‘bold words’, so I’ve deleted them and am posting again with some ‘further thoughts’.
‘Greetings, stranger,’ says my old pal, the genial Warriv, a very relaxed sounding dude for one surrounded on all sides by murderous midgets, with only a crappy stone wall for protection (and the gates wide open to boot).
I last played Diablo 2 as a teen and it was quite a thing to see all my old buddies back again, aesthetically modernised and all chill and chirpy (hey, Charsi) as ever, despite, as mentioned, the vicious horde at their doorstep, utterly outnumbering them but somehow adverse to walking through the open gates to slay them.
Akara must be hiding some serious stuff up her sleeves, that’s all I can say.
I’ve already written a review about the beta – my final verdict is that this game annihilates the old Diablo 2 artwork on almost every level, and some areas and models are the best I’ve ever seen in a game.
‘Chiaroscuro’ is a term used to describe the paintings of the ‘old masters’: the use of light and dark to create drama, with particular emphasis on the colour black. Lut Gholein, Kurast and the River of Flames in Act 4 are stand out examples of this being used to literally amazing effect. Act 5, for some reason, comes off as the blandest area in the game – rushed? Interestingly, it never featured much in the promo videos and I suspect they ran out of budget for it, because it looks suspiciously plain by comparison.
The fire effects are, laughably, leagues ahead of Diablo 4’s fire effects (see the insipid sorceress’s fireball in the Diablo 4 videos). They’re the best fire effects I’ve seen in any game.
Baal, who suffered the most lacklustre character art in old Diablo 2, is the best ‘boss model’ in the game, in particular when he appears in the Act 5 cinematic, with the red-raw sinew of his neck, his malicious, conniving facial expressions and his tacky gold earrings, a brilliantly narcissistic touch: he’s the epitome of vanity and wretchedness and arrogance, and the best, most detestable (in a good way) character model I’ve ever seen in any game. I can remember it even now, like I can remember the hissing, vomiting horror-show that was the little girl from Poltergeist.
I read some perfectly mental review from Polygon on Diablo 2 Resurrected, where the reviewer described the cinematics as the same ‘campy’ fluff that we all remember. And holy hell mate, what were you smoking when you wrote that?
Campy?
The Diablo 2 cinematics provide what are, I believe, the bleakest visuals I’ve ever seen, be it TV, film or game – and are the complete and utter antithesis of the camp, toony tripe of your Marvels and your Diablo 3s.
Then again, the reviewer also seems to think Diablo 3 cardboard zombies ‘grow, learn, come into conflict, and have their own agendas’.
I think the rest of the internet might disagree with you there, pal. They are camp personified: a dizzying, ham-fisted, ham-acted circus of camp, a pantomime of cliché and lurid pomp, a melanoma of melodrama.
Diablo 2’s characters are complex, despite the simplistic story – good and evil is nowhere clearly defined. Even the creepily composed and articulate Mephisto goes against type, but Diablo himself steals the show as the ‘man of few words’ whose rare utterances, especially when he first appears, will chill your blood.
This was back in the good old days when villains weren’t monologuing dullards – though I feel the artists slipped up by making the Big Red Guy snarl during the end of Act 3 cinematic. In the old version, Diablo was brilliantly aloof, his miserable unsmiling mouth not even flinching as he looked back at his brother before entering the portal. It made this dude seem ice-cold. The snarl makes him generic by comparison, buy hey – it’s all subjective. Just my two cents.
Finally, the gameplay.
Abysmal. And I agree with all the reviewers who concluded the same. Back in the day, I knew no better and thought it was great. Now, by Christ, it truly is the pits of time-wasting click-fest repetition. This is not what I want to do with the precious gift of life… Diablo 3 and POE proved these somewhat mindless one-armed-bandit equivalents can be fun to unwind with for an hour or two.
Diablo 2 is a second job, as I mentioned before. Everything about it smacks of boring design, from the stamina bar to the godawful 4-tier catacomb type levels.
The limitations of the technology meant you were playing a reskinned version of the same narrow mazes over and over. Who would honestly enter the optional dungeons for some mediocre chest at the end of all the clicking? Drop rates are miserly at best, and seem designed to make you invest 1000 hours to get some interesting gear – and by the way, why did they remove the colour-coding? Rare and magic all had the same colour in my game, and the grey used for ‘unidentified’ is easily mistaken for the forgettable white for normal items, especially when in auto-pilot, as you are likely to be with Diablo 2.
Enemies are lazily copied from other levels – again, presumably due to tech limitations. The higher difficulties offer the same armour as lower difficulties, just with different stats.
It’s about as compelling as watching paint dry. And a hard pass for me.
The bosses, as well, are cheap as they get. Mere battles of attrition, where you portal back and forth to get a few shots in before they one shot you.
Apologies, I forgot you can grind and grind and grind for ‘leet’ gear and high levels to whittle them down.
Let’s just say I won’t be putting that one on my gravestone.
As for the AI – what can I say? Boot up the Arcane Sanctuary or the Act 2 bug lair and watch both enemy and companion alike set AI IQ back to the dawn of computers. The ‘purists’ love this crap as well? Ok.
The game mods that are cropping up already are far better designed than the core Diablo 2 experience. But even then, they’re not good enough to make me want me to roll more than one character for one last nostalgic run.
It was fun while it lasted. Brought back great memories. But the gameplay is dirt – and while the art in general is outstanding, the revised character models have Blizzard’s dirty ‘we’re all about PC so please like me’ hands written all over them.
And no – they are not doing it for the good of ‘diversity’. They’re doing it for the same reason Hollywood does it: because it generates controversy, and controversy generates headlines, and headlines generate expose. Which in turn generates good marketing.
Neither Hollywood nor Blizzard want to shoehorn diversity into their movies or games for a noble cause – they do it because it makes them cash. Anyone that mentions it, whether a reviewer or a punter, gives them advertising.
So yeah, cheers for the memories, Diablo 2 Resurrected. And may your gameplay design ‘go to hell’, and stay there for eternity, cheers.
PS: I know better (or tell myself so) to read comments on forum posts I make that may suggest I don’t like something someone else loves. There’s still a 50/50 chance I might read comments, but my brain is almost programmed now to simply not read them.
I mean, we can talk crap at each other back and forth like the online equivalent of a table tennis match – but is there really any point to it?
I’ll always have my opinions. Those that don’t share them will have theirs. Neither of us will convince the other to change their view, so why bother with the dissing and the hissing?
I can’t stand gamespot, but even they, the ‘pros’, didn’t really like it (can’t link the review).
Check point gaming also wrote a really well-written review backing up my thoughts.
Some people just don’t like Diablo 2 – we’re not suggesting you be robbed of them, if you really like them. We’re just saying we, ourselves, don’t like them. I couldn’t care less if Diablo 2 remains the same until the end of time. So knock yourselves out on your ‘Baal runs’ and go to town with your ‘Hammerdins’ if that’s what gets you off.
Never said remove this stuff. Just said I think I’ve better things to be doing with me life.
