To most, this game was like any other. Warrior VS Priest. Garrosh VS Anduin An average matchup so boring, neither hero was fully paying attention. Little did two know, it would be their very last…
The Warcheif looked half-asleep and an exhausted young Anduin let out a quiet yawn as he mulliganed his cards. His starting hand ended up as Wild Pyromancer, Northshire Cleric and his new favourite card. The quest card: Activate the Obelisks. Restore 15 health, that’s all he needed to do. Once that box is ticked, he could care less about Garrosh and his dragons. Turn 1. “Is someone injured?” No. Of course not, the game’s just started. She wasn’t the brightest of clerics, let me tell you that. Garrosh was surprisingly speedy, coining into a fire tree witch doctor, getting that ever-so-precious warpath. Turn 2, Anduin topdecked a shadow word pain killing the witch doctor before she didn’t even finish seeing her vision in the flame. Garrosh didn’t care. What’s a 2/2 in the grand scheme of things?
His comeback was a simple as gain 5 armour, draw a card. Anduin already figured out this was a control deck he was up against. This was going to be a long game. Turn 4 Anduin played nothing but a power word wisdom on the cleric, hoping for some card draw, and a bumbling buffoon, tossing bananas into his hand. Garrosh’s response? A scale worm to maul that monkey for good. The Northshire Cleric was traumatised by what she had just saw. A large scaled nightmare snake just killed an innocent monkey that barely even lived a turn. But why should her opinions matter? She’s nothing more than a 1-cost minion. Something so irrelevant, that Garrosh has ignored it the whole game, despite being buffed once. The cleric clutched her head as her newfound knowledge hit her newfound wisdom. Her mind couldn’t accept the fact she was all alone, left to face the scaleworm by herself. But then there was turn 5. Anduin knew just what to do. He topdecked a holy smite to kill the scaleworm. The cleric was commanded to hit face, for that wise card draw. He FINALLY set up his quest and sent in none other than the Avolyte of Pain. To the two clerics, it was love at first sight. The romantic air was soon interrupted by Garrosh slamming the Acolyte of pain for some card draw, resulting in the roar of a dragon, or maybe two random dragons, to be precise. The Northshire Cleric ran over to her bleeding beloved, he was on 1 health. She quietly wept, as she couldn’t bear the thought of him gone and the wisdom of never being able to forget the moment. The Acolyte of pain’s mumbling when he walked in indicated he was some kind of weird masochist. But still the Northshire Cleric loved him. The only had each other on the dusty battlefield, and nobody was leaving anyone for dead. Anduin healed the masochistic acolyte and the Cleric’s joy resulted in a card draw. Turn 6 Anduin placed down and power word: shielded a rotten applebaum for some protection, while Garrosh slapped down an ember scale drake for some more armour. The game was locked in a perpetual stalemate. Anduin gave the twisted treant two bananas and it went face. All while the small 1/3s made out with each other, feeling now was the right time to express their love for one another, now that they were safe behind such a large taunt unit. The acolyte of pain received a power word wisdom as well. Garrosh almost seemed concerned with Anduin’s unhealthy obsession with drawing cards. Never go full northshire, as the saying goes…
While all this was unfolding, the warrior placed down a war master voone to restock his hand full of dragons and send down his second witchdoctor. Though both player’s hands were fat with cards, the priest had the better board state, with his massive abblebaum and… whatever those two small minions are…
Turns flew by as Anduin placed down the wild pyromancer and spammed spells like there was no tomorrow. The young couple had to experience the agony of being burnt and healed over and over again. It was a miracle Anduin managed to not mill his Mecha’thun. The warrior, enraged that his two minions were at 1 health, and noticed two 3-health minions just sitting there, with their wisdom and love as they hugged each other. It was enough to make the Warcheif sick. It was time to knock that cocky priest down a peg. His first of many massive dragons stomped down on to the board, a Nozdormu. This didn’t exactly make Garrosh feel any better, as a sandstorm blustered everywhere. The applebaum and the emberscale drake were not even fazed by this. The 1-health Voone and witchdoctor we’re struggling to stand up as their blood turned the nearby sand red. The two lovers hugged each other for protection as the sand hit the Acolyte’s back and brushed the Cleric’s sides. The two of them became frightened when the witchdoctor and drake traded in to the buffed applebaum. They were wide open to die, and they’ve only known each other for a few minutes. The game raged on. Garrosh sent down big dragons. Anduin used removals to get rid of them and placed down minions of his own, which Garrosh promptly executed. It was nearing fatigue and both had the chance to win. Anduin nearly had his whole combo ready and had been amazed that the two lovestruck 1/3s had lasted for so long that he didn’t even care if he milled their duplicates. Garrosh had Alexstrasza’d his opponent, TWICE, and now he had a mind control tech in his hand. He took his shot at snatching a minion and ended up snatching a minion so useless it was almost enough for him to ragequit. Northshire Cleric. “How could you do this to me? I loved you, and you stabbed me in the back!” Emotional pain was the one kind of pain that the Acolyte didn’t like. Both of them were heartbroken that they were now pitted against each other. The power of the obelisk hit the Acolyte of Pain for the first time as he became a 4/6 that drew a card each time he attacked. His mind-controlled girlfriend received more painful treatment. She had been zapped to improve morale and got flung into a rampage, so she was a 4/5 that drew a card each time they attacked. It was devastating for both of them when they realised that they might not see each other again. Even worse, one could die at the other one’s hands. It was getting depressing, and the end was coming…
Fatigue. Cataclysm. End of the line. Every thing went in slow motion from here. The couple looked up at the sky, and what they saw was bittersweet.
Garrosh had summoned Deathwing. Their time had come. They’ve yee’d their last haws. Curtains. Goodnight, tiny 1/3s, may the tavern rest your souls.
As power incarnate swooped down onto the board. The two smiled, if they were going to die, at least they’ll go together. Last words? The Northshire Cleric asked the Acolyte of Pain for his hand in marriage. The Acolyte of Pain’s last words were his normal ones, but not quite in the way he used to have said it. They kissed goodbye forever as their bodies turned grey and broke into pieces. The only thing they heard in the background were the sounds of reckless experiments, coffins crashing, abominations ticking and the era of flesh ending…
For Garrosh and Anduin, this was a game like any other. But I saw something else that day, while spectating a friend for a classic pack. What I saw was an emotional rollercoaster that was better than the reward for the watch a friend quest. It brought tears to my eyes.
I hope those two minions are safe up there, happily married, living the afterlife they want… But why should I care? After all… They’re just small minions… 
