JOIN OUR MYTHIC RAID TEAM: WHERE DRAGONS ARE SLAYED, AND COFFEE IS STRONG!
Are you tired of battling the Monday morning raid boss called “Alarm Clockus, the Waker of Weary Souls”? Do you find yourself daydreaming about DPS rotations during board meetings? Fear not, intrepid adventurer! We’ve got the ultimate quest for you!
NOW HIRING: MYTHIC RAID HEROES!
Position: Legendary DPS Maestro Requirements: Must be able to distinguish between “fire on the ground” and “standing in fire.” Bonus points if you can summon snacks at a moment’s notice.
Position: Healer Extraordinaire Requirements: Mastery of multi-tasking, exceptional potion-chugging skills, and the ability to turn “OMG I’m dying” whispers into soothing lullabies.
Position: Tank Titan Requirements: Thick skin (and armor), the ability to hold aggro and attention spans, and a Ph.D. in “Aggro Management without Causing Healer Panic.”
Position: Guild Comedian Requirements: Expertise in puns, dad jokes, and the uncanny ability to keep spirits high during wipe-fests.
Position: Raid Leader, must have a track record of winning noble prizes. Paying well, like really paying!
Perks: Endless supplies of virtual snacks (no calories, we promise). A dedicated “Nap Room” for those late-night raid sessions. Bi-weekly dance parties to celebrate epic loot drops and successful boss takedowns. Access to our exclusive guild therapy session for those “I can’t believe we wiped on trash” moments.
Why Join Us? We believe in “Loot Councils” but also in “Laugh Councils.” Our guild bank is stacked with gold, memes, and questionable potion choices. Raiding schedule carefully planned around pizza delivery hours. Our mascot is a dancing panda. Need we say more? Bonus points for creative use of emotes!
Disclaimer: Save A Cow Eat A Panda guild is not responsible for any loss of sleep, real-life gold, or dignity. Side effects may include uncontrollable laughter, friendship, and an addiction to epic loot. Apply at your own risk!
More info on discord.gg/hrzF4ru - Each week we start fresh for now, we need around 2-3h to kill first 5 bosses. Best pull on Larodar 18% after 12 tries… going down fast.