[The first Summer issue of the Grave News bimonthly newsletter is distributed by the Tirisfal Courier Services.]
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Grave News
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EXCLUSIVE: Alcoholic Alliance King Varian Wrynn Died After Drunkenly Mistaking Fel Reaver for Mount and Attempting to Ride it to Safety
New details have emerged concerning the death of Alliance King Varian Wrynn. Former Deathstalker Ralph Eggins has told Grave News that Varian was heavily intoxicated during the attack on the Broken Shores and mistook a Fel Reaver for his steed.
The Fel Reaver then attacked Varian, who urinated himself and died instantly.
This new account is documented in Eggins’ upcoming book, ‘The Alliance: a History of Military Incompetence’, due out later this year.
Eggins, who served valiantly for the Horde and now works as an author and military advisor in Orgrimmar, said he hoped the book would raise awareness of the ‘staggering depths’ of the Alliance’s combat ineptitude.
Another illuminating passage, seen in preview by Grave News, tells of the propensity of Alliance house leaders to withdraw their armies from military campaigns over petty squabbles with other nobles. This results in calamitous losses for the remaining forces.
Eggins believes that the tiny boy king who now presides over the Alliance is too timid to hold the deserting house leaders to account.
Grave News will publish a full review of The Alliance: a History of Military Incompetence closer to its release.
Saurfang Orc Traitor Beaten by LITTLE GNOMES in Stockade Brawl
The traitor Saurfang was assaulted and easily bested by very small gnomish inmates during his Stockades imprisonment, a new report has confirmed.
The orc, who cares little for the Horde and its people, allegedly broke his ankle trying to punt one of the gnomes.
He was then left severely beaten in a fist fight by another remarkably small and physically unassuming elderly gnome.
Saurfang then sought out protective custody from the guards, the report states, an act even the lowest criminals consider dishonourable.
It is possible that these altercations, which left Saurfang with a concussion, may have caused his unusual and unsubstantiated decision to turn his back on his Horde brothers and sisters.
What do you think of the traitor and lousy combatant Saurfang? Write to us with your views which may be featured in future issues!
Alliance Invade Duskwood Druid Settlement in Unprovoked Attack
More reports have emerged of an Alliance army’s attempted invasion of a sacred druidic territory in Duskwood earlier this week.
Several innocent and peaceful Horde druids are believed to have been executed by the invading force of bloodthirsty Alliance soldiers.
The attack was led by Alliance Captain Albrecht von Asch, a sneering imperialist known for his barbarism and terrible diplomacy.
Responding to pleas from the druids, a contingent of Horde forces arrived in their defence, repelling the Alliance thugs with ease.
The Horde force has since landed back in Orgrimmar. We warmly welcome the return of these patriots and thank them for their service.
This news is a worrying reminder that all must be alert to the brutal expansionist aims of the Alliance.
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