The Conversationalist’s Handbook by Azhaan
(First off, let me give a special thanks to Jhared/Eyildr and whatever other characters he might be playing, simply for writing a guide on forum etiquette long ago which initially inspired me to write this guide. Also, let me just say that this is by no means a “You should do this and nothing else”-guide. It’s meant to give beginners some basic insight, not lecture people who have already roleplayed for years.)
How to hold a conversation in roleplay!
Foreword
During my relatively short period of roleplaying in the glorious World of Warcraft (1-2 years), one issue that has been almost overwhelming time and time again is that of continuously seeing people with a complete lack of social ability and charisma - that’s not to say that everyone’s meant to be a people magnet, but there are so many people who just don’t talk. The kind that you eventually grow frustrated with.
However, this guide is not intended to thrash these players, but to aid them in improving their social roleplay. While I might not always be much of a talker in the offline world, I consider myself at least averagely socially trained - that is, trained in the knowledge of etiquette, consideration of other people and the importance of interest.
Conversation is the bread and butter of character progression. Pre-scripted events don’t bring life to your character nearly as much as normal talking does. Sometimes you will meet people who are all action and no talk, of course. They might seem awesome with their cold, dark gaze and clean, flawless skill in battle, but ask yourself this: “Will they ever become someone of significance? Will they ever have anyone to rely on?”
You’ll find that the answer is usually, “No, these are characters that fit well as support characters in single-player games, movies and books; not in roleplay environments.”
I wrote this guide in an attempt to potentially teach the less talkative people of our local roleplaying servers how to hold a rich, light conversation without the stern tension of awkward silence and superiority. That’s just no fun, is it?
Introductions - “First impressions are everything.”
When you meet someone new, never expect them to know who you are - no matter if you are the infamous beggar of the Old Town or the Grand Marshal of Stromgarde.
Sometimes, you’ll encounter someone who knows very little of everything; their character might be an illiterate, uneducated son of a retired traveler who lived in the jungle for most of his life, or the player might simply be new to the server. Introduce yourself or ask them to introduce themselves; just do it naturally as you would during any day in the real world.
There is one golden rule that is important to follow here: Always try to be polite, to a moderate extent (as much as your character lets you, that is; everyone’s different). If you boast about your merits or act all superior on them, they will be largely discouraged to talk. And that’s no way to make conversation at all!
There are specific things that are often good to avoid when introducing oneself or talking to someone for the first time, of course. Examples:
When you spot a damsel, it’s generally inadvisable to approach them with a pick-up line. It often backfires entirely and makes you look bad. Even the most charming of gentlemen know not to make a lady blush at once!
If you approach someone with a direct, admirable compliment, the effect is often that of making your character look like an inexperienced child. It’s understandable that characters are different from character to character, but there are certain limits to politeness.
Rude language. When you walk up to someone, you’d never say “What the **** are you wearing?”, would you? No. I’m pretty sure that not one single person on these servers would ever do that with serious intent in real life; it’s just one of those logical things born from common sense that many characters seem to lack.
Don’t just sit there like some sort of Ranger of the North with romance issues - go out there, take initiative and have fun! Just don’t be a creep. Personal questions are not to recommend for starters. Social discretion and integrity are the safety nets of a conversation.
Observation - “Is that real gold on your sword hilt? Wow!”
When talking to someone, new acquaintance or and old friend, there will always be something that makes them different from the last person you met. Maybe their hair is unnaturally contrasting to their skin colour, or maybe they carry something that wouldn’t normally be carried by them? Focus on the details! Express interest and tell them about similarities in your own equipment if there are any.
Additionally, perhaps there is something in the surrounding area that might catch your attention. Is it raining heavily? Thundering? What makes this person be outside in weather like this, or what makes this person stay inside when the weather is nice and sunny? What is a [race] doing in this [location]?
Some of these observations might come off as rude, of course. That’s where common sense comes into the picture. If you think hard enough, it’s easy to guess what’s appropriate and what isn’t.
Listening - “Mhm? Oh? Really? I agree completely.”
Your character is not the main role or protagonist of your roleplay. It can never be that way, unless you have arranged with everyone involved that your character is the primary center of attention - but that will never happen. Each character is as important as the other.
It doesn’t matter if the difference between them is five ranks in the military or fifty years of age - all characters involved in roleplay are of equal importance.
This is why listening is important. You won’t get anywhere in a conversation if you don’t listen - and listening isn’t only looking attentive. Remember what the other character says, and make conversation based on that. That way, you might find very curious quirks in the other character that your character might feel startled, disturbed, encouraged or even excited by!
There are lots of sides to a personality, and know that no matter how hard you try, it’s nearly impossible to see them all.
Be an active listener. Make eye contact, voice your opinions and offer advice if advice is what’s needed.
Depending on how your character reacts to what the other part of the conversation is saying, there is always a way to further enhance the chit-chat through responding; if someone tells a story, don’t just sit there like a speechless cow and remain silent even after the story, and if someone says something that interests your character, react on it and you could potentially create an entirely new branch of talking on that sole piece of interest!
Questions - “So, how did you end up here?”
Questions are actually far more important than many people think. They’re not too creepy, most of the time, unless they are very personal, and they will in fact often lead to the better path of the conversation.
I have always played very inquisitive characters myself, but that’s majorly because I’m a genuinely curious guy. Some people might not be of the same curiousity, but questions are of great importance and practicing interest is never a bad thing.
You can always find something to ask about. For introductions, we have:
- What’s your name? (Everyone seems so uninterested in other people’s names. Why is that?)
- What are you doing here?
- Are you from around these parts?
- What do you like to do?
- What do you do?
They are simple, short, and often don’t require a lot of effort to answer, but they can be magnificent icebreakers. There’s not much more to this section; people who have already met once, twice or more often find it easy to keep talking and the questions come automatically.
Interests - “Fishing? I love fishing! When I was a young boy, my pa’ used to…”
This was mentioned above, but I will bring it up again here because of its importance. The very foundation of this section is the interests of your own character; things that you should never ever miss when creating a character. If he has no interests or hobbies, then people will quickly find him uninteresting and bland. This is what often creates silence; lack of interest.
In fact, I will flick in a little additional, somewhat related sub-section of this one. When you make a character, what’s important is not knowing his/her history or his/her profession. There are millions and millions of people in the real world who loathe their jobs and would rather not talk about it on their free time.
This is what interests are for. Everyone has interests. I will make a little list of things to fill out here before creating your character - things that will help you loads in social roleplay:
Your character…
Likes:
Dislikes:
Loves:
Hates:It’s very simple, takes next to no time to fill in if you know your character right, and will make things far more clear to you in the future.
A unique character isn’t unique through her unnaturally green eyes or half-elven heritage; characters are made unique through the art of individual interests and the way with which they wield them in a conversation - and practice, of course.
Backgrounds - “You’re from Duskwood, eh? Haven’t heard from that place for months.”
Backgrounds are the history of your character. They are the events that have formed your character and they are full of the little incidents that make your character just a little bit less in favour of certain things.
You might not need to know what happened with your or someone else’s character twenty years ago. A month ago, however, is very sufficient. Try to find out things about your partner in conversation, but do not be overly inquisitive; that might come off as nosey or creepy.
Let’s just take Orcs as an example. You are an orc warrior speaking to an Orcish hunter, or perhaps an Orcish female that you are interested in. Some things you may want to know are:
- What clan do they belong to?
- Did they always belong to that clan?
- What experiences they have had with other clans?
- How their clan used to do things in comparison to recent years and other clans before that?
These are just examples, of course. They can also be used for Tauren, but that might take some knowledge beforehand as Tauren tribes usually have specific traits and qualities.
Then there is the magic of locations. Locations could mean everything or absolutely nothing. Find out where your conversational partner comes from and decide how much your own character knows about that zone.
Is this exotic, brown-skinned, curvy woman hailing from the South Seas? Your character might have heard stories of piracy, crime, scoundrels and prostitution from there - or he might have heard that it is a sunny paradise where everyone regard eachother as equals.
More obvious locations are kingdoms, especially when we’re talking humans. I know for a fact that the majority of roleplayed humans come from Lordaeron, and while it’s such a generic decision, it’s a fantastic thing to talk about.
The Kingdom of Lordaeron was huge; massive, gigantic, enormous, titanic. It was larger than any other kingdom in its prime, which was shortly before its fall. Ask a bit about the culture of the kingdom the character comes from!
For example, Stromgardians are known to be fierce warriors in battle and can on some occasions be regarded as barbarians. This hints at that they follow a strict and blunt way of life. Think Spartans, but without the whole “mandatory military” aspect.
Then we have Lordaeron. It was obviously a very sophisticated kingdom, with lots of knights, glorious cities and a fair, just ruler. Additionally, there are many references to the drinking of wine in the Arthas: Rise of the Lich King book.
Kul Tiras is a nation heavily based on the naval life, fishing and everything that has to do with the sea. Stormwind is a kingdom with noble houses full of corruption, but with a land so diverse and changing you can hardly tell it’s the same kingdom. Dalaran is a magocracy - it speaks for itself.
The list goes on. You can include many other different nations, clans, tribes and areas in this as well. You’d be surprised at how much talk you can get out of a simple matter as cultural habits and food. Remember: imagination is the key element.
Other people - “What his right name is I’ve never heard, but he’s known around here as Strider.”
The reason why some people simply log in and sit down being silent, doing nothing and not even emoting anything is usually because they feel largely unmotivated to interact with someone socially. Sometimes they just don’t feel up to much, and sometimes they just don’t know what to say. It’s a common problem.
You, the reader of this guide, might be that other person across the room holding a conversation with a friend or a strange. It’s your responsibility as a roleplayer to include others, so why not invite the silent guy to join the conversation?
Ask him of his name, what he’s doing where you are and if he likes [something]. Again, these are just examples. As much as people are different from character to character, remember that roleplay is all about giving and taking in equal amounts. You’re there to entertain as much as others are there to entertain you.
If the person is one of those moody stereotypes who refuse to even say their name, it’s not even worth the effort, in my personal opinion. These characters are usually the ones to start an argument where an argument isn’t needed, and might break the mood rather than lightening it.
The bottom line is that if there is someone in the same room as you are who doesn’t seem to do much, it might prove both entertaining and beneficial for you and others to invite them over to talk with you.
We, the roleplayers, are automatically a community just by playing with eachother on the same server. Everyone is in the same boat, so make them feel welcome. You don’t help anyone or make anyone’s roleplaying experience better by shutting people out just because you haven’t seen them before. Welcoming and invitation. Those are two very important words.
Final brief words
Pieces of advice:
- Don’t be too argumentative. Arguments can make a conversation run fluently, but they are usually massive mood-destroyers.
- Try not to be too flirtatious, even if you’ve got a libido of infernal proportion - at least not from the start.
- Avoid OOC communication as much as possible during roleplay. If you feel the absolute need to bring up something, take it to whisper.
- Always remember that IC is IC, and OOC is OOC. IC actions do not necessarily reflect one’s OOC opinions, and vice versa.
Hopefully this will help people in their way towards reaching a good social ability when playing their characters. This is all written purely off the top of my head, so please, please add whatever additions you might have. Posting them here will do. It’s only better that things of importance are added so that players are more prepared to hold a conversation in all its forms.
Finally, here is a little quote that carries much more value than anything I could come up with:
“It’s much easier to become interested in others than it is to convince them to be interested in you.” - Dale Carnegie.