Afraid to write- combating self doubt in RP?

Argent Dawn
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At the risk of being a bit vulnerable here, I have to wonder if anyone else struggles, or has struggled in the past, with approaching roleplay because of doubt, or they’re a bit shy when it comes to walk-up in particular?

Creative writing is something still quite new to me, so I’ve always been a bit hesitant and nervous, but lately I’ve been finding it really difficult to just jump in and roleplay.

I’ve caught myself a few times backing out of hubs or events that I would really love to be a part of simply because of worries and doubt- what if my writing style is a bit odd, what if my character is received poorly, maybe this character doesn’t fit the theme…

How do you deal with this if it’s something you struggle with? Do you go through something similar at times? :blue_heart: Thank you.

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It is mostly definitely something I struggled, and still struggle with too - often to the point that if I convince myself that my character and concept are not fitting in as i’d like them to, that I will ditch the concept and shelf the character and find something else to focus on.

As i’ve aged (like a mouldy apple sadly) i’ve learned that the best way to combat this is to remind myself that I can, in fact, be wrong. I can be wrong about how people are enjoying my characters - and this was proven to me by accident when someone I just met enjoyed my character so much, they spent time doodling them when I was on the verge of binning that character.

I suppose what i’m trying to say is, sometimes you just have to give yourself a mighty kick up the rump, put on some soothing music, and tell yourself “No, Ynloeth, you ARE good enough, and people LOVE having Ynloeth around.” and then dive in (You’ve been a treat anytime i’ve had the chance to RP with you!)

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All the time. Often the worry’s “what if I’m intruding” and such thoughts.

I’m not sure how to deal with that.

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I feel the same at times. I try to tell myself “It’s just RP” and it kinda works?

All the best.

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All the time.

Unfortunately it’s one of those things where the main problem and the solution to the problem are the same thing where you just kinda have to ignore it and power through it which… yeah, no, obviously it’s not easy to just go “okay, time to ignore my own biases and perceptions”.

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The thing with big servers is that they are so diverse you’ll inevitably run into people whom you’ll thematically or stylistically clash with, or just veer off from in terms of interests. That doesn’t mean that they, or you, are in the wrong, it’s just a matter of taste.

My advice: find a niche you really enjoy doing, and keep doing it. If it jells with someone else, awesome. If not, keep going at it. At the end of the day, internet randos aren’t really that important in the grand scheme of things, and you should never attach your ego to an inconsequential hobby like RP or gaming.

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I think plenty of people feel the way you do, but I can especially relate to the complexities of already being an experienced artist - just not this type of artist. Learning a new creative skill when you’re already quite comfortable in another I think leaves one with a lot of concerns about the quality or angle of your work. But I guess the truth is, it doesn’t really matter. Roleplay is something that can be done in so many ways and at the end of the day incredibly difficult to judge (like all art). Most people we interact with in RP don’t even take it that seriously and are just making the most of every interaction they get. I try to tell myself this, at least.

I’m probably one who needs to be reading advice from this thread rather than giving it, but I have to say as obnoxiously simple as it is… What Vaxir said has kind of worked, yeah.

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Never truer words spoken. As for RP, I used to have a blast with friends when we played various RP games around a table about 40 years ago, and I still know some of them even after all these years. RP’ing in computer games is just a faint, flavourless shadow of that, and it’s something I will never take part in it or initiate.

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I’m really sorry you’re going through this. I feel you though. I’ve had several times when I struggled to write a single emote and know others who feel the same way in varying degrees. You’re definitely not alone. I think we’re all just awed by our fellow RPers and feel like that then we’re somehow not good enough at times.

I still can’t write stories as I used to before, but I think the best way is to look for new sources of inspiration and maybe push yourself to situations that force writing out of you, provided you’re comfortable enough with being a little bit uncomfortable. Fake it till you make it.

I hope it goes away though and that you end up dominating this!

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It happens to the best of us. Best thing you can really do is jump in with a devil may care attitude and see what sticks.
Once you’ve found your people? RP tends to get a lot more interesting and fun.

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I don’t struggle with this myself, but I think that a good thing for you to keep in mind, is:

if you are (over)thinking things like “does my character fit into this?”, “is my writing style appropriate?”, “would this character be received well?”“does this fit the Warcraft setting?” then you are already one step ahead of many. You are likely enjoyable to RP with, since all of this sounds very considerate of other players!

Personally the roleplayers I tend to dislike or avoid are those who do whatever they want without being considerate of others / the setting and don’t care for anyone’s enjoyment but their own.

You don’t need to know every part of the lore perfectly, you don’t need to write flawlessly and even the best roleplayer in the world will make mistakes. As long as you go in with a good attitude, often decent roleplayers will notice that and you’re good to go.

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You never know if you don’t try.

Another thing is that you undervalue how many people like you or enjoy playing with you. You have probably in the past, maybe more, maybe less, but those negative experiences overshadow all the positive ones very easily, even if there were many more positive ones.

Even Jesus said that you can’t add a single hour to your life by worrying, so why bother? Those who like to rp with you will stick through, and those who do not will fall out.

Just do it.

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I can see my own struggles in your words. These doubts have been especially amplified in certain, more insular communities or situations where mixed messages have been sent: people may advertise themselves as approachable, but then when you attempt to interact with them, it’s like interacting with a stone wall. But I’d still see the same people having very rich RP with some people, so I end up wondering: “Is it just me?”/“Have I done something to come across a wrong way → they don’t want to roleplay with my char?”/“Maybe it is just a bad time?”

These doubts have been crippling and somewhat of a self-fulfilling prophecy even. Expressing this vulnerability to the wrong people in attempt to be understood and supported has often just resulted in a blame game. Those are the types of people who tell you to “develop an attitude” and “fake it til you make it”, but it turns roleplay into a social labor, instead of relaxing hobby.

Speaking from that experience, your worries are valid as the people you choose to give your time and energy to can create a night-and-day experience for your roleplay.

As time has went on and experiences have accumulated, I have first prioritized on people with whom IC feels smooth and natural. I don’t have to excessively think whether I worded something wrong (English is not my native) or if my roleplay is good enough. All I have to think about is how my character would act or respond. The playful detachment prevails and anxiety slowly fades away.

If IC feels like a sisyphean effort with a person or group, that is the first sign of incompatible RP styles. I’m not saying “toxic” or “bad” because that isn’t always the case. People may want to roleplay, but one’s natural style doesn’t work out for the other:

  • Some people long paragraphs and some prefer more fast-paced roleplay.
  • Some people prefer that roleplay is about OOC collaboration, no matter what happens IC, and some prefer it as a more socially competitive experience.
  • Some people look for more specific settings in roleplay, while some people are “anything goes” type.

The list goes on. I am not saying that people can’t be toxic or insular OOC, behind their characters. There are people who are committed to judging anything that does not align with their agenda, and there are those with whom a simple OOC talk resolves misunderstandings, which then allows RP become the focus again.

And when we go down that rabbit hole, we begin to see the light in the end of it: No matter what you do, there will always be people who want to roleplay with you and those who do not, beyond their personal convenience. You can’t control how other people receive your character, but what you can control is focusing on those people who treat you well as a narrator behind your character, and with whom IC feels natural.

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Happens to the best of us, honestly.

Heck, can even happen when you’re HOSTING an event! The classic, “Do the players actually like anything I’m putting out there?” I’ll have you know that as long as you’re not being disruptive, event hosts are more than happy to have you. We’re just glad you’re there and trying to have a good time. :sob:

If you make mistakes, that’s human. The people you want to be around won’t brand you forever. I’ve learned to try and stop caring as much if I’m rusty or something. Sometimes, a character I’m on doesn’t fit the vibe or isn’t conducive to the rp I want to have at the time, and I might switch over to a new guy. People get it. It’s not a big deal at all to show up, try to rp, find that you aren’t meshing and leave anyway. It’s not a big deal to need a bit to get into the seing of things and be a bit stiff at first either.

It’s easier said than done, but like some have already said, best you can do is bite the bullet and accept the uncertainty of it all.

If you’re having fun and you’re being a good person ooc, you’re all Gucci.

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I rolled a Dwarf and just had him be so old he just babbled. Also rolled a mute character in swtor, forcing myself to emote or not exist.

Nowadays I just… don’t care? I regularly, daily even, speak to large groups with a need to demand their attention without care of their oppinion. Whilst RP is nowhere near the same thing, I can’t say the rp community is all that intimidating compratively.

People either like the character or they don’t, things fall how they will.

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This is a beautiful topic and it takes no small dose of courage to write down your insecurity. After all, the first step in resolving a problem is always admitting it.

I believe some of your anxieties stem from legitimate concerns: for example, there are places and situations in which a certain character might not be appropriate (a pious paladin lecturing a warlock coven, neutrals talking down faction warfare in the middle of such warfare, and so on).

There is also the other side of the coin, and it is that a lot of role-playing is very gatekeep-y. This is partially done because there are no external rules on how to behave in WoW. There is no true shared etiquette, so a lot of people may enforce their own vision with strong attitudes that end up creating anxiety in others.

The way I view it, it is this: our role-playing community does not exist without the actions of the players that inject life into it. There is no real “world” of Warcraft in which we role-play, what we do is a bottom-up process: creation requires enthusiasm and dedication. From you, and from others.

IMO. A lot of people feeling anxiety like you do are perfectionists, striving for nothing but making the best impression. At the end of the day, this is a hobby: you’re not paid for it, you should not aim to create the best memories ever, but just go for a good time.

And sure, it is good to make a new impression, but you’ll not improve if you never try!

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I tried hosting a public event for the first time and I was obviously crazy nervous about it being insufficient but I just went for it anyways. The wild part was, I understood really quickly that my event was not in the taste of the people attending. My concept was questioned IC and OOC and people preferred mingling with friends over interacting with the event. But for some reason, despite my “worst fears” coming true, it didn’t feel all that bad! I had a good turn up and most of all - I did it. I had a plan and I made it happen. Pretty sick of me.

Taking risks suck but at the end of the day we’re contributing to a more colorful AD by doing so. Despite my events “failure”, I have no doubt people were still grateful it happened.

I love and second this sentiment.

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I still have this issue, but I have gotten better.

The thing that worked for me was baiting others to make contact first.
I would plumb my bum somewhere just talk when people come close.
it could be a sales pitch for a street merchant, it could be a callout for aid with a quest or just asking for directions.

Not everyone takes the bait, but some will.

Once I got comfortable I moved on to initiate conversations myself.

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Embrace the cringe of the character(s) we are trying to be. - Remember, ultimately, we are all here to roleplay at the end of the day.

I think it’s natural to have some self-doubt. I, at least, despite my years of roleplaying across various mediums and even DMing tabletop games these days, haven’t lost mine.

And it can be a vicious spiral; the more you overthink it, the farther you can descend the spiral. - So, how to combat it? For me, it’s repetition and routine.

Repetition is pretty self-explanatory, but I find there is no better way to build confidence, regardless of what you are doing, whether it’s creative riding or riding a bicycle. - It is by far the simplest, but it takes time. It can be done by simply having a goal of approaching at least one person in character to say, “Hello, Nice weather today, huh?”

Routine - Establishing a routine can help both In and Out of Character, and wouldn’t you know it goes hand in hand with repetition.

IC routines can be as varied, in-depth, and complex as you want them to be or just simple goals. For me, having established routines for my characters allows me to have small, achievable goals, reasons to approach people and a general purpose. - I establish these routines for my characters as a way to remain purposeful, however vague, because personally, I’ve found that being idle allows for self-doubt to fester.

OOC Routines can be just as good to help with creative writing. - To give an example in regards to roleplay, depending on the theme, or area and what mood I want to convey, I listen to what I think is appropriate music, and it can help immensely with immersion.

That’s how I, in general, deal with self-doubt. But as far as your more specific examples…

This one is fairly relatable, especially as someone whose English is not my first language; it can be really easy to find yourself flailing. - In fact, when I first came to AD, I barely spoke, let alone wrote it, and I think one of my biggest worries, too, was my ‘style’.

I think the way I dealt with and still deal with it is to hang back, observe how others do it and imitate their style and establish my own through it by altering or adding my own ‘twist’. - So my advice would be, imitate those around you, find your own style and in turn, confidence through this.

I think this one is likely the trickiest of all your examples, and by far the one that allows the most room for doubt if just because it’s something we cannot always control.

Instead of focusing on the What If of other people’s opinions, I think it’s better to stick true to your character’s identity and person, their flaws and goals. - Always allow for constructive criticism, but also fight for your vision of your OC and realise when constructive criticism is just criticism for the sake of it.

This one can be a bit harder to gauge on your own. - And if you are uncertain whether your character fits the theme of the event or the Campaign, ask. Ask your fellow Roleplayers, ask the Campaign organiser or the relevant DM. And like above, fight for your vision of your character fitting the theme, lay out your reasoning, but also be respectful of others. - The worst we can do is assume the answer ahead of time because you might find people agreeing with you.

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I recognise this partially, not from simply rp’ing a character, but from writing a chain of events. I got this questline in my head for Desartin that I want to play out, especially now, but im having constant doubts of “Will people find it fun and memorable, how do I make sure folks got plenty to do and get some chance to shine once in a while?”

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