Priestly Preening: Be Like Your Betters
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Cultivate a fulsome beard, for it conceals the imperfections of the face from the Light.
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Purify your hands in the milk of the mare, that they be soft and supple when handling the offertory.
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Bathe in the rivers, allowing the glorious natural gifts of the Light to cleanse your skin.
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Replace regularly your holy raiment, that your appearance and odours not offend the servants of the Light.
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Maintain at all times an upright posture - let not fatigue nor sloth curl the spine.
The list continues for several more pages of minutiae
Turning the Other Cheek
The topic of indulgences is a difficult one, but at times in our lives, it becomes a necessary evil. A lapse of judgment, a harsh word too quickly spoken, a punch or kick thrown in anger - all these things are failings of mortal men, and the Church must acknowledge that.
However, such acknowledgement does not come without a price. For sins of harsh words, a mere handful of silver will cleanse the soul. For sins of physical force, a handful of gold will expurgate the failings of mortal flesh. For those other sins, a full confession and a more generous contribution will be necessary.
Punching:
Punch to the Face : 2 gold
Punch to the Groin: 3 gold
Punch in the Chest: 1 gold 45 silver
A detailed list of prices and sins continues for pages
Give to the Church and the Light Will Provide
From the desk of High Abbot Landgren:
It may seem that in dark times of strife and turmoil that one must turn inward, protecting family and loved ones to the exclusion of all else. But these feelings are false - without the beacon of hope that is the Church, despair will quickly inundate the very pores of your family’s soul. All the full stomachs, warm toes, and happy smiles that worldly goods may purchase will not save your family from the creeping inner emptiness that shirking your fiduciary responsibilities to the Light will induce.
Give to the church. The hardships endured through lack of worldly goods act as a forge for the soul, burning out impurities and raising you up to a higher plane of being. Be not ashamed at the rumbling of an empty stomach, the bite of a sharp rock upon your bare foot, or the chill of the winter wind. These are but means by which the Light communicates its inspiration to the soul. These sacrifices ensure that the arching, gold-appointed paeans to the Light which so inspire you at worship are well-maintained.
Eschew the comforts of the flesh, and come ever closer to the Light.
An Unopened Tome of Advice (Undead I guess)
Table of Contents
Chapter 1 - The Dead and You
Chapter 2 - Maintaining a Ghoulish Figure: Seven Easy Exercises
Chapter 3 - Keeping the Chill Out: Choosing a Coordinated Coffin
Chapter 4 - Graveyard Guarantees: Fifty Sure Signs of Love
The tome is in pristine condition and appears to be completely unread