Finally I get the flying golden spirit capybara I’ve waited for so long. Pre-ordering the whatever deluxe version of the xpac is a small price for the flying golden spirit capybara (the sitting pose is broken for every other character except nelves).
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- the crown of wills is broken, opening a portal in the shadowlands to… the lightlands
- there are now day elves
- 4 zones as usual, you have to use a flight path mount to get to each one from the new capital city (the ageful city shaped like a flower)
- ok hear me out on this raid… sepulcher of the SECOND ONES, YEAH!
- new covenants, one of them being the day fairies, and another focused on peace, not war (too lazy to think on the rest)
- mechagnomes now get 1 new customization option, please look forward to it
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This part had me dying, genuinely unexpected!
New Haircolour! We keep winning Boys!
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Energy vampires & romans instead of greeks
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In order from worst to merely awful:
Shadowlands 2.0.
Anything involving Sylvanas.
Even more green Moses and Manduin.
“Horde is evil again for the Nth time, and the Heroic Alliance must save the day!!!”
“Oh no, the world is ending again and only YOU can save us, oh super-special and unique Hero of Azeroth!!!11!!”
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World of Warcraft: Fractals of Truth
Story Pitch
The cold, robotic and borderline omnipotent First Ones reveal themselves to the denizens of Azeroth and disclose that the entirety of the Warcraft setting, that every possible timeline and every plane of existence, was constructed by them as a simulation and testing ground. Why? To produce you, the player, as the ultimate weapon for them to wield against their foes.
The entire Warcraft setting as we know it is annihilated as the simulation is brought to an end, and the player is transported to Zereth Prime, a hyper-advanced geometric landscape of spheres and sharp angles, full of the eldritch machinery that was used to run the simulation and to produce the god-like beings that populated and shaped it.
It is up to you, the player, to uncover the secrets of Zereth Prime and the First Ones, and discover a method of restarting the simulation so that all of the denizens of the Warcraft setting might be returned to life.
New Features
It is revealed that all of a player’s characters are actually a single character, that a player’s entire warband is nothing but the fractal extensions of a single entity. You must master your own fractals through world quests, dailies, weeklies, hourly events, monthly events and more.
Each character that you master your fractals on allows you to share more and more of your class and racial abilities between them, encouraging you to grind on as many alts of as many racial and class combinations you possibly can.
Theoretically, it is possible for a player to unlock every class and racial ability and every talent in the game on all of their characters through their mastery of the fractals, but this would take years of borderline endless grinding and waiting for the necessary time-gates.
Due to the massive complexity of the system and how impossible it is to balance, there is always at least one absurdly broken build that can be made with fractal mastery, so over-tuned that every other possible fractal mastery build is irrelevant. Despite Blizzard’s best efforts, whenever they nerf one build into the ground, another rises to take its place.
They refuse to allow players to reset their fractal mastery until a week before the next expansion is released. Due to the warband-encompassing nature of fractal mastery, this means that entire accounts can be “bricked” and that a player who wishes to remain truly optimal will having to purchase new accounts, new subscriptions and new copies of the expansion to stay competitive, as the meta changes.
New Zones
Prime City - A vast and labyrinthine city with a lot of verticality and lifts that can only be explored by ground, on foot, without a mount. The city is populated by the cheerful, bubbly mechanical servitors of the First Ones, who fight by summoning simulacrums of their favourite characters from the Warcraft simulation to fight on their behalf. You cannot actually harm them, but you will need to convince them to give you their fractal, to restart the simulation.
Locus - A chaotic skyscape of a thousand tiny floating islands, divided between six different neon colours, representing all of the different types of magic from the Warcraft simulation. Over half of your time in this zone will be spent flying between these scattered sky islands and their research stations, populated by a race of tiny, quirky, haughty and adorable anthropomorphic cats, who wield the different forms of magic effortlessly. You must convince them to combine all of the types of magic into one, to produce one of the fractals required to restart the simulation.
Prodrassil - A gigantic mechanical tree, the one true template for all world trees, populated by the robotic proto’dorei or First Elves, the one true template for all elves. The Prime Executive of the First Elves rules over her people with an iron fist, by exploiting their addiction to proto-fractals. You must help a downtrodden faction of the First Elves overcome their addiction to proto-fractals and rebel against the Prime Executive in order to create a better and fairer society, and to seize the Prime Executive’s fractal for yourself so you can restart the simulation.
Subterran Tunnels - A maze of narrow tunnels and pipes with almost no lighting that is impossible to see in. It turns out that the most unlikely of allies managed to escape from the simulation before it was shut down - the niffen. Befriend a group of wacky, likeable molefolk with distinct personalities and their own unique favourite smells. Follow them as they help you find the fractal lost in these tunnels - you have no hope of finding it on your own, you’ll have to accompany them as they try to sniff it out, only to run into plenty of trouble along the way.
New Dungeons / Raids
The final boss of the first raid is none other than Elune herself. A renegade First One, she is a voice that guides you along your path to finding the fractals, only for her to end up captured, corrupted and enslaved by the other First Ones. As she possesses one of the fractals required to restart the simulation, you have no choice but to kill her. On the way, you will fight bosses such as a prototype version of Sargeras, the first Naaru, and a council of hilarious, wise-cracking anthropomorphic cat wizards from Locus.
Dungeons include:
- The Prime City Arena, where the finest simulacrum masters battle each other, and you will have to face elite trainers with themed teams of simulacra, such as a human fanboy who summons Anduin Lothar, Varian Wrynn, pre-corruption Arthas Menethil and Tirion Fordring to fight for him.
- Purrfect Fusion Research Centre, a vast laboratory facility floating in Locus where its eccentric cat-people residents smash different types of magic together and see what happens. The labs are overrun with druidic pit lords, mawsworn naaru, lightforged wild gods and so much more.
- I will add more when I find the time and when writing this doesn’t cause me to wither and cringe into a singularity of despair.
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Congratulations. You’ve managed to conceive of an expansion worse than Shadowlands. It’s genuinely frightening.
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I think my hairline receded 3 times over.
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This was hard to read. Well done.
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The worst bits are how close to reality some of this stuff could be. I have Shadowlands PTSD all over.
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I think we have a winner, unless anyone else wants to have a go.
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Who hurt you
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This is where we find out Shog is related to Danuser… holy hell…
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I fear no man.
But that thing? It scares me.
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