…for the worst possible WoW expansion. The very, absolute worst you can imagine.
You can go into as much, or as little detail as you wish, but to help you along, here’s a template:
- Story Pitch
- New Races and/or Classes
- New Zones
- New Dungeons / Raids
- New Features
- Wild Card (Anything goes here - perhaps a description of the Cinematic, or box art)
Do your worst.
No, I refuse to give Ion Hazzikostas an excuse
World of Warcraft: Probability of Outrageous Precipitation is an expansion set in the mystical Isle of Balor off the shores of Stormwind, in which we, the heroes, must come to defeat Medivh’s evil brother, Ledivh, before he unleashes the Stormwind upon Stormwind City, thus razing it with the help of the now-renamed Scarlet Crusade - The Stormed Crusade.
Balorian Human. They’re like, different. They follow the Old Ways, but since they never left them, they call them ‘The Ways’.
New Class: Forecaster. It’s like Shaman, but only with lightning spells and some divination added into it. No, it’s not a Farseer. Shut up.
The Isle of Balor consists of three zones.
First, we have the Balorian Expanse, in which the city of Balor’s Gate is housed. It is the capital of the faith of the Balorians, known for the crafting of staves thanks to their magically created wood unlike any other, because no other race in Azeroth has magic trees like theirs.
Second, we have Balatero, the Jesting Wastes. It used to be a fiefdom under Stormwind before a conspiracy from the local court jesters of every estate revolted against their masters and established the Clown Anarchy of Balatero. Gambling and bardcraft is a religion, and is a type of magic by itself. Hearthstone was secretly made by them in-universe as a way to embezzle funds for their Clownscapades, and their original rebellion - and is the reason for why it almost seems like a parody of in-universe serious matters.
The Stormdrain. It is a rift in the land caused by Ledivh’s sorcery. From it, Ledivh plans to unleash the Stormwind onto Stormwind City. Very vertical and non-sensical, teases for a recreation of Thunderfury’s empowered sibling blade; Stormanger.
The Venetian Masquerade - 5-party dungeon. Venetia, the wicked wizardly city from Warcraft 3, makes a return. It seems a grand conclave of wizards from this city has been summoned to Balatero, and you need to destroy them infilitrate them and thwart their plans before they are able to add to Ledivh’s strength.
Zul’Aman, reimagined - 5-party dungeon. Yeah.
Hogger’s Howl - 5-party dungeon. An invocation gone wrong by Balor’s Gate’s warwitches has summoned the angry spirit of Hogger, and taken hold of the witchgrove it was summoned to.
Lightning Rod’s Redoubt - 5-man dungeon. One of Ledivh’s Lieutenants, Lightning Rod, formerly known as Rod of Redridge, the evil wizard known as Ilgalar’s son, has risen a grand mage tower that portrudes from the Stormdrain as a distraction for the adventurers not to thwart Ledivh.
The Stormy Windystery - 5-man dungeon. The Stormed Crusade has recruited loyal Balorians to their cause and indoctrinated them with the power of storm and lightning, following the edicts of their High Inquisistorm, Thunderr Cloudcast. Completing this dungeon gives you access to Forecasters.
New Raid: Tel’Abim. Ledivh is summoning the storm with the help of Tel’Abim’s Forecasters, summoning the powers of the storm with a group of goblins known as ‘Monkey Business,’ led by Mecha-Gallywix, Gallywix’s cyborg clone. They help Ledivh with an archeological operation to find and extract the secret, ancient highborne weapons known as ‘The Golden Bananas.’
New Features.
Wild Card.
New jester-themed arena themed around Balatero’s Jesterkind. Possible future bard specialization for Forecasters.
We hope you enjoy WoW: PoOP. Thank you for your feedback these last few months.
A giant raging dragon bursts forth from the ground ruins the landscape for decades to come… then does nothing for two years before dying in a pathetic scrap of a fight.
Which is later retconned to exclude the final battle of the raid, depriving us of the credit.
I hate that Azeroth’s ocean remains visible after all this time. I propose we come up with enough new zones to completely cover the ocean and make one singular landmass, that we may walk from Kalimdor to Northrend to the Eastern Kingdoms.
Slands and Dragonflight combo already hit us. 
Hey, he used to go around and kill random adventurers who happened to be in the same zone as him at the time. I will NOT accept this slander.
I will accept slander of Thrall killstealing him though.
His randomly killing zones kinda sucked for establishing him as a villain, it can’t really be canonical and was in the context of playing the game mostly just annoying which isn’t what you want from your bbeg
I’m only now realising that Fyrakk doing the same in Dragonflight was almost certainly a direct reference or callback.
In Dragonflight it was actually kinda hype, it wasn’t an insta-kill and you had time to outmanouver it a lot of the time.
Back when I was a kid, I enjoyed the fear of randomly just being killed. I know nowadays, especially when I played classic, people found it annoying, but time’s change etc etc.
I agree though, I would there was more ‘canon’ things of him just burning stuff instead of making it a flavour. Some random npc making like, “Oh, Deathwing torched Badlands once.” etc.
It absolutely was. I believe even the map marker during Fyrakk’s assault was a reference to it (but it’s been a LONG time since I’ve had Deathwing show up.)
Between them, Fyrakk and Iridikron were very deliberately meant to be Deathwing throwbacks, taking on different aspects of his character. Blizzard remembered that everyone likes fighting evil dragons, so they gave us two.
New Feature: Dowsing. Mechanically, it is surprisingly close to archaeology profession, the player runs around specific “dowsing sites” with a dowsing rod which indicates how close the player is to the precious resource to be unearthed. Instead of a profession, though, dowsing is a mechanic tied to a new reputation faction called Water Witching Expedition (WWE, shortened), lead by an unlikely coalition of the haranir and the ethereal. Each resource unearthed gives some reputation toward WWE, while turning in Azerite-Infused Beetles (drop rate around 2 %) gives extra reputation (throwback to the beloved reputation acquirement of Winterpelt furbolgs in Dragonflight, now with extra grind!).
The reputation rewards of the dowsing feature includes, but is not limited to, held-in-offhand dowsing rods of different colour schemes.
Dowsing is also mandatory for raid progression in the first tier. You need to have a bop jar of beetles only obtained by combining crafting reagents with a large number of Azerite-Infused Beetles in order to summon one of the bosses. The recipe is from the WWE reputation at Revered.
It is also the first boss.
Story Pitch
Taking place after the defeat of the Void Lords, a new threat emerges on the horizon - the Light Lords, and their army of Arathi zealots lead by the immortal emperor. TAKE THE FIGHT TO ARATHOR. LIBERATE THE INDOCTRINATED HALF ELVES. HELP ANDUIN RECOVER FROM THE TRAUMATIC AND ANXIETY INDUCING EVENTS OF THE WAR AGAINST THE VOID.
New Races and/or Classes
The Feliarn - a race of genderless (but exclusively femme) cat people enslaved by the Arathi. Enjoy the new Lamplighter class, basically a paladin but with way better damage and mobility. Also steampunk.
New Zones
Four of them and three endgame ones oh boy!
New Dungeons / Raids
Four of them and a new raid every patch oh boy! OH BOY.
New Features
Something trivial that should have been in the game ten years ago like no transmog restrictions.
The worst possible story expansion, hm? Allow this old Warlock to toss his lot in the ring, even if POOP EXPANSION already won the thread…
WORLD OF WARCRAFT: RETURN OF THE LICH KING
Opening cinematic:
A wide shot of a strange, odd - snow-covered land. The sky breaks open once more, but instead of HELL we see complete Darkness…
Angels begin to pour in from the breach in the sky - Val’kyr armored in the trappings of The Maw.
( An karanir thanagor… )
" Arthas, My son… "
( Orchestral music… )
We pan to this NEW CONTINENT – seeing a land ravaged by war and death – but with a tinge of opportunity, the Races of Azeroth ( no Gnomes ) rendered in beautiful blizzard 3D realism arrive in boats –
" …What is more important than a Kingdom…? "
Up through a spire of black saronite, we enter an overlook – where Bolvar is stabbed in the chest by a spectral ghost. He dies onscreen…
" …Legacy… "
GARROSH HELLSCREAM enters the shot, red-skinned with Venthyr Motifs on his armour, he tosses ASHBRINGER to the spectral knight – who grabs it mid-air, hood falling down. He is ARTHAS MENETHIL, grinning in a mimicry of the Frozen Throne cover art. We spot ILLIDAN STORMRAGE, bound and kneeling – ARTHAS speaks: " …Is that all the hate you could muster… Sargeras? "
A shot of the Demon Hunter’s head lifting up – we see his eyes glow ORANGE behind the blindfold.
THE JAILER’s dying words echo: “A cosmos divided… Cannot survive what is to come.”
Action shot, action shot, action shot. Nostalgic recreations of WoW’s Vanilla cinematic. The Cinematic team outdo themselves.
Cut to the TITLE CARD: Frost and Fire themed.
1. STORY PITCH
A continuation from Shadowland’s Storyline, our heroes return from SAVING AZEROTH to find news from the CONTINENT OF TEL’ABIM – noticed by the absence of merchants coming from there. Yes, TEL’ABIM, the isle, was a Wakanda-esque psy-op to keep the outsiders distracted. A society of NIGHT ELVEN seafarers and OTHER UNCONTACTED RACES make their home in this large, three-zone continent ( with underground expansion! ). The once-tropical isle is now the home of a new incursion, as shards of blacksteel from the great rift in the sky have anchored themselves to the ground, turning the continent-sized landmass into a winter-themed hellscape. It is located inbetween Kalimdor and Northrend, By The Way.
The story follows ANDUIN WRYNN, ALLERIA WINDRUNNER, FAERIN LOTHAR and THRALL as they lead the horde and the alliance to JOIN TOGETHER against this greater foe.
The foe? Well, the ‘redeemed’ Soul of ARTHAS MENETHIL, alongside those of the NOSTALGIC CHARACTERS lost to the Shadowlands, incarnated in the “ECHOED AVATARS” - - - with callback villains such as SARGERAS, GARROSH HELLSCREAM, MEDIVH, and LEI SHEN. They are lead by the RETURNED LICH KING, who, after killing Bolvar Fordragon, has reclaimed the shards of domination.
Pelagos dies offscreen as a possessed Vereesa Windrunner disguises herself as Sylvanas and slays him with a single arrow, the Crown of Domination given to Arthas II.
Arthas is Gold now.
Follow our HEROES as they wander through an UNKNOWN LAND with ELVES and DRAGONS and face THE GREATEST THREAT KNOWN TO AZEROTH.
2. NEW RACES / CLASSES
This expansion introduces two new races: the SHEN’DRALAR ( yes ancient half - night elves, with very limited customization options. They are NEUTRAL. ) who are a splinter of the NEO-AZSHARAN EMPIRE – a callback to everybody’s preferred Night Elven lore, they worship “Alune” their take on the Sun and Moon as the same God, and live in a mageocracy reminiscent of the Highborne.
The other, NEUTRAL race is the TEL’ABIM SABERON, brought from the ALTERNATE DRAENOR to serve SIRE HELLSCREAM’s BLOOD HORDE – they broke free from their chains of domination and now exist as a NOBLE SAVAGE tribe of warriors who have SO MUCH POTENTIAL.
A new race is introduced – the RUNESMITH, available only to ELVES and SABERON. They forge titanic and magical runes into gear, but, they can’t be dwarves.
3. NEW ZONES
TEL’ABIM is divided into three overland zones and one subterranean zone.
The GOLDEN COAST was once a place of natural beauty, but it now looks like a hellish mirror of the DRAGON WASTES, with vrykul raiders, undead, zombies, and a lot of COOL things you people will love. Accompany ANDUIN as Thrall sits on his thrall chair to befriend the humble people of the Clawfang Wolvar and follow Kalecgos to speak to the SHEN’DRALAR in their strongholds. There is still an enclave of traditional civilization, a port-city that is neutral to both factions. It has palm trees and a lot of jokes about Tel’abim bananas. You meet LUK WAMAT, a friendly wolvar who is set to be queen of the wolvar, and engage in a deep story about succession with the help of Alleria.
MOONFALL is a large, palacial place of unparallelled beauty, populated by Highborne cities. It’s like Eldre’thalas and Feralas, but, recently, the encroaching BLOOD HORDE has brought trouble to the elves. ALLY with these half-elves and help them drive back the enemies at their gate, while learning of their culture and listening to their plot hooks.
TEL’DUN is a desert, and the TRUE HOME of the Vulpera. The TEL’DUN vulpera, known as the Teldunai, add an entire wiki’s worth of lore and lore-classes to the Vulpera race, however, they harass and attack the SABERON – remember the saberon? i mentioned them earlier, they are only in this one zone - and thusly THRALL teams up with the SABERON and helps them negotiate peace with the vulpera.
LICH-HEART CAVERN is the heart of this entire expansion, at the core of the isle of Tel’abim is the root of the massive spire of the Lich King’s NEW CITADEL, it does not connect to the rest of the expansion and is fully cut off, trying to tell grisly stories bordering on PG12 grimdark, but it is repeatedly lightened by the presence of the friendly — — — uh, MURLOCS! Sentient murlocs who are wise and friendly. A bit of a joke. They mrglrlgrlgll! And Grugle, their intrepid warrior, follows you through the story! Plushies!
4. DUNGEONS AND RAIDS
It’s mostly WotLK mount combat and Theater of Pain.
The Deadmines… THREE! Vanessa VanCleef sets up a mining operation in Tel’abim as the risen corpse of Edwin VanCleef – the Lich King’s Spymaster – plans to unearth a devilish old god to CRUSH STORMWIND!
Uh…
A dungeon where you challenge Garrosh 2 to Mak’Gora and then 5v1 him. Thrall appears and cries a bunch and does nothing. Morally grey garrosh hellscream shows a moment of weakness – “all I did I did for the horde”.
The first raid has you fight Lei Shen, but this time he has death powers and brings back Zul’jin, Sen’jin – and you have to rouse the spirit of Vol’jin from the hands of Zanza (who is evil now) to defeat the old trolls. Oh, yes, there’s a Zul’aman revamp too. Where you kill amani again. They don’t do anything this time, Thalyssra just wants to put a walmart there.
5. NEW FEATURES!
Dance studio, with new emotes from the Trading Post.
Dragonriding but underwater.
Uber for dogs.
A social credit system where you have to earn the right to speak – higher TRUST LEVEL players can type more words. Lower TRUST LEVEL players are reduced to emojis. You can UPVOTE or DOWNVOTE players and you are givent he option to pay for a fellow’s sub by giving them BLIZZARD GOLD, should their post amuse you.
MORE borrowed power. You have to upgrade your necklace and your rings and your trinkets and we brought back artifact weapons but this time they cannot be transmogged because they’d ruin your class fantasy.
A new talent tree but it goes inbetween both hero talent lines, so it’s like a new hero talent after hero talents.
PvP toxicity revamp: you can play in War Mode but you take no damage unless you click a box that pops up after every hit where you agree to participating in PvP.
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6: Box art
Kind of like the BFA one but it’s Arthas versus Illidan. It looks sick, mind you.
That’s the worst I could come up with. You may think I have not mentioned all the story beats or utilized the entirety of the premise I laid out. You would be correct.
Also, the xpac adds capybaras to wow.
BAINE BLOODHOOF is also there but he spends all the time sitting in the portal room.