I figured out the story of Shadowlands

It is all there in the good book. It goes something like this:

And I saw when the “female dog expletive” opened one of the patches, as it were the noise of blizzard, one of the four predators saying, Wait and see.
And I saw, and behold a white man: and she that sat on him had a bow; and a plot-armor was given unto her: and she went forth conquering, and to conquer.

And when she had opened the next patch, I heard the second predator say, Wait and see.
And there went a tree that was red: and power was given to her that sat thereon to take peace from the playerbase, and that they should harass one another: and there was given unto her a planet-sized sword.

And when she opened the third patch, I head the third predator say, Wait and see.
And I beheld, and lo a black expansion; and she that sat on it held a pair of shareholders in her hand. And I heard a voice in the midsts of the four predators say, A measure of anima for a Denathrius, and three measures of soul ash for a Denathrius; and see thou hurt not the toil and whine.

And when she opened the fourth patch, I head the voice of the fourth predator say, Wait and see.
And I looked, and beheld a pale “female dog expletive”: and he who sat on her was Death, and Maw followed with him. And power was given unto him over the last part of the expansion, to kill with word, content-famine, and with sloth, and with the predators of the company.

And when she had opened the fifth patch, I saw under the prison of souls of them that were slain for the word of Elune, and for the testimony which they held:
And they cried out with a loud voice, saying, How long, O Moon, reclusive and blue, dost thou not judge and avenge our ash on them that dwell on the earth?
And not even white robes were given unto every one of them, and it was said unto them, that they should wait and see yet for a little expansion, until their fellow victims and their brethren, that should be killed as they were, should not be fulfilled.

And I beheld as she opened the sixth patch, and, lo, there was a great earthquake, and the sun became black as a sackcloth of hair, and the moon became as blood.
And the stars of Blizzard fell unto the earth, even as a city tree casteth her untimely ash, when she is burned by the mighty “female dog expletive”.
And the sponsors departed as a lawsuit when it is filed together; and every artist and programmer were moved out of their stalls.
And the heads of the company, and the great women, and rich men, and the CEOs, and the mighty predators, and every wage slave and FFXIV player, hid themselves in the dens and in the forums.
And said to forums, Fall on us, and hide us from the face of him that sitteth on the shares, and from the wrath of the “female dog explitive”. For a great day of wrath is to come; and who shall be able to stand?

And when she had opened the seventh patch, there was silence in servers about the space of a year.
And I saw the seven forces which stood before the First Ones; and to them were given no developement.
And another wasted character came and stood at the Sepulcher, having a golden censor; and there was given unto her much salt, that she should offer with it with the prayers of all players in the game which was before the Sepuclher.
And the taste of the salt, which came with the prayers of the player, ascended up before the developer out of the character’s hand.
And the player took the salt, and filled it with the fire of protest, and cast it into the game: and there were voices, and quarrels, and protests and an mass exodus.
And the seven forces which had no developement prepared themselves to sound.

And I heard a great voice out of the company saying to the seven forces, Go your ways, and pour out your wallets for the wait and see upon the game.

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Someone get this guy a job on the writing staff!

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This makes even more sense than the SL story. Hearken the words, for this is the voice of the Prophet! All hail Darvingar, the One Voice!

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