Need advice (aspergers)

Community General Discussion
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Hello everyone. Are there any people out there that has any mental illnesses? I have aspergers and social phobia myself.

I have a problem and would like some advice on what to do. Everywhere i go, every guild/realm i feel im not getting treated the same as “normal” people. Thing is that because i have aspergers it’s very hard for me to smalltalk like others do so easy and because i can’t smalltalk people don’t invite me to things (even if i sign up), they avoid me and worst is that i see one after another getting higher ranks in guilds while i’m stuck at the bottom. Officers in guilds know i have aspergers, they know i have difficulties to smalltalk and they know i’m doing the very best to be as social as i can, still they treat me like i’m trash.

I do talk in chat. I don’t see myself as a quiet. I ask questions, i answer questions and i say what i feel, but… i can’t smalltalk. That’s the problem, i don’t write a word here and there or put a emojies everywhere. When i don’t do that people see me as antisocial even if i often say what i feel about things.

What i need advice for is, should i fight this and demand respect for my mental illness or should i just give up and learn that this is how the world/game is like? I have been fighting it for two years now but it only made me go from guild to guild.
I don’t want to be treated so bad, but at the same time its the same everywhere i go… and i’m tired. Should i give up?

Thanks for reading. Please be nice!

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I have MCCD (a form of autism).
Basicly i think in black and white and dont understand humans.
For a long time i try to understand them and now 32 years later i final do and realize how much crap everyone is hidding.

You are making the same mistake i did.
You are seeking there approval.
Dont.

The harsh truth is:
The world doesnt own anyone anything.
You could be missy social herself and people will still threat you like crap.

What you need to do is find people you like and play with them.
Dont worry about impressing them or being social.
Just be yourself.

Ever last person on the planet thinks about themself.
If they think of others it is how those others effect them.

A simple example:
I decided to use encourgement to get people to play better as being mean to them doesnt achieve anything.

Dont give up.
Instead focus on what you want and works towards that.
Use babysteps.

For example:
You will compliment yourself once per day for the next month.
Then you will do it twice a day for the month after that.

You need to teach yourself to think posstive.
Dont think: They dont like me.
Ask: Do i like them.
Are the worth my time and effort to befriend.
It sounds selfish but that is what it is to be human.
You must not put yourself down.
Other will do that for you.
Instead remember that you are worth it.

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I have generalised anxiety disorder and I over think everything which can affect my social interactions too. I live with the mantra of “it doesn’t matter” 24/7 and can hide it for the most part online.

Don’t give up. If people can’t accept you for you then they are at fault, you are doing nothing wrong.

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You should not fight and this is not the correct mental space to be in regarding this subject. I think you did a great job of expressing the way you feel on this post, so my advice to you is communicating with your guildies in the same way.

I would probably not use the guild chat for that though. Find a guild with people you like and get to know the people there. If you see someone trustworthy or that you like, talk to them like you talked here. Explain what is like for you and I bet they’ll at least try to make you feel welcomed and part of the group.

Good luck :slightly_smiling_face:

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I suffer from extreme anxiety disorder, find online games as my safe heaven.

The thing you are doing wrong (in my eyes) is coming out that you have an illness, it’s none else’s business what your meantal health is like.

If you joined a guild and tell said guild you suffer from this it that, it makes people uncomfortable and they will treat you different. Just be who you are, don’t hide it but don’t shove it in someone’s face or use it as an excuse of your actions.

When you say you get treated like trash, what do you mean? Because this may not be the case at all. Some examples would be good.

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I’m 53 and was diagnosed F84.5 Asperger’s not too long ago: it explains/made sense of a lot of how my experiences in life have panned out.

Mainly, it made sense of being a ‘loner’ through most of my school life, too… even having to have my school meal timing singularly catered for - at my first school - to get me to even eat at school.

My outlook on most things in life is to not expect anything over and above face value reward; I have even questioned why people want to know/like me, but I’ve got better at accepting they would want to.

You are who you are, @Tezzi… those who seem to want to actively exclude you - or are even reluctant to include you - are probably not worth knowing anyway.

In relation to WoW, I’ve found that getting stuff done at all, even after it’s current, can be satisfying enough… esp. if you feel in any way that doing content ‘at level’ is more pressure than you need to put yourself through.

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I’m sorry to hear you’ve not found a guild to settle in. It can be hard for anyone to find a guild they feel at home in.

We have several members in our guild with mental health issues. We try to treat everyone the same but at the same time will also make allowances for some. Not everyone feels they are able to share what is going on in the personal lives either. Some will tell the world, others will tell just officers and some just keep it to themselves.

The only thing I can suggest is keep on trying to find the right place. Is there a guild friends are in that you could join?

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Some people like to small talk, or just talk about non-wow related random stuff. Some dont. Its just that people who do that are more likely to like people who do the same. It means they enjoy their company. I dont exactly know how they are treating you like trash, but people automatically invite people who they like more.

However, there should be no injustice, just because you dont small talk, it shoulnt make you excluded.

There must be people who will like you for who you are(I’m not talking about your aspergers, im talking about the person you are.), who will invite you and do stuff with you.

People stand out among the others in different ways. Talking is the easiest way. This may end up him being likeable, or unlikeable. But he is standing out.

For example, “Oh hey jimmy came online, he is the guy that keeps telling me about different movies everyday and making jokes whenever he gets the chance.”

However the thing is, If I get that right, you dont small talk or connect with people much. So if you dont want to be “just a member” and reach higher ranks, you will have to stand out in other ways, possibly in-game performance. You could be the helpful guy who helps everyone in chat, about raid tactics gears which class to choose etc, or simply highest dps/hps.

Higher ranks usually require talking to people, if you are a class leader or guild master or anything, however I dont know the ranking system in your guild. You could talk to your guild master about the position you want and talk to him about it. You could even form your own guild if you’d like.

I’m not sure if I’m correct or wrong, what I said is merely an opinion. But you should find someone else if you feel you’re being excluded and being treated bad. Wether its trying oher guilds, or making your own and inviting people you like.

Have a good day!

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I actually agree with Dappy. You shouldn’t feel you need to disclose anything to anybody, unless you specifically want too (although not nearly the same I suffer from severe depression/anxiety and disclose this on my ‘bad days’ when I don’t feel like doing much ingame and feel I have too justify my non-involvement). and too an extent maybe the disclosure of it contributes to their reaction/treatment. which is wrong but sometimes people are unsure what that particular illness means for the person who has it and how it manifests itself.

Just do you and If someone makes you feel like rubbish: move on and try to forget them (which I know can be difficult sometimes).

Id like to invite you to the Horde calm keystone community. Its a community (not a guild) that’s been started that is inclusive of everyone with no demands and no pressure while doing PVE content (mainly m+). Its developed into a great community with a wide range of people (from people like me who, on my good days, never shut up to people who don’t talk bar when wanting to run a key).

If you want to join add my bnet Antfany#2849.

best of luck and I hope the replies in this post help you out abit.

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As someone who deals with mental health issues, i can only advise you to make your own guild or community with people who understand.

it’s a daunting task, but i’ve managed to find people who deal with what i deal with and we have a really good discord group atm, a lot of us a creative so we share our work and talk about non gaming stuff.

it took a while to get there but everyone finds a place eventually and if you dont… take a stab at making your own perfect environment :slight_smile:

Never give up, the beauty of wow has allowed me to make some dope friends, understanding people dont let anyone make you feel any less ! i always extend in game friendship should you ever find yourself on stormscale with an alt, im a whisper away !!

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I don’t have anything and i don’t like sitting i whatever voice program and so smalltalk. Just be a nice person and enjoy your game and you’re good.

My Daughter however has asperger so i can understand your situation.

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This is quite tough, I have started and ended a lot of replies to you :no_mouth:

I have a thought, and that is I don’t think they avoid you - I think they are wary around you, to make sure thay don’t hurt you.
When we humans don’t understand, we make a little distance to make sure no one is doing anything wrong :slight_smile:

I like Bloodlocks advise: Just be a nice person and enjoy your game and you’re good’ :slight_smile:
I like it because it is the funniest thing even in online gaming that makes people accept each other.

You don’t have to smalltalk for people to see or accept you in guild, and honestly I don’t understand how the hierarchy in the game works anymore, but I wouldn’t put so much value in the ranks.

I am a chat spammer, and chat spammers like me gets sad when our effort to get a lively guild chat fails - so questions like yours is always great when everyone have escaped to 1000 different voice chats :slightly_smiling_face:

I can’t and I won’t say if you should give up or continue, because I haven’t observed your case, and I don’t want to decide for you…
All I can say is, that I have worked and played with a lot of people in different situations, and it all turned out good because we had the same goal and view - and even if 2 years is a long time for your search, there is still a chance that you can find the guild or group that will be just right for you.

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No. The internet is not the place where it is a good idea to fight for a such a cause, even if it’s a noble one.

I would just say that I think you shouldn’t disclose your IRL issues to in-game communities. We all have problems for a different degree, but in-game and IRL shouldn’t too heavily intertwine.

Just be yourself, don’t mention such personal details about yourself see how things turn out. Not everyone needs to be super talkative every time.

In the end, if your guild has a problem with you, feel free to look for another one. The most important thing in this game is to find people you like to play with.

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Hey there. I just want to let you know that it is possible to find your person or people in this game.
Don’t stay in an environment you feel you can’t be yourself. If you’re not yourself, others won’t know the real you.
But social convention requires you to show a minimum amount of interest in your team (guild) and I would advice you to explore your possibilities in that direction.
I’m on the spectrum myself and I’ve had years of therapy, and also years of volunteering, so I learned a lot and it’s still hard and sure as hell doesn’t go automatically but at least I don’t (often) forget to ask ‘how are you’ anymore :wink:

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I think before you judge guilds you have to look at it from a different perspective.

Just, imagine you dont have aspergers, and you join a guild, do you think they’d treat you different?
here’s a thing. the “normal” people as you call it, have been in the guild for a long time, they have connections, and they made friends with each other so they’ll treat each other differently.
when I join a guild, Im a complete random person, they’ve never heard of me, they’ve never seen me, they dont know a thing about me. obviously ill get a different treatement. I changed 8 guilds in BfA so far, and 12 guilds in general since I came back to wow (may 2018). and in neither of those guilds I was treated like something Im not - their friend. because I wasnt friends with any of them, eventually we became closer and did “x” or “y” and we got closer. that’s how human interaction works.

to keep it really simple, humans become friends, or partners or get into relationship because they are interesting to each other, they have traits, or personalities etc. that they like in each other, they fit well or they’ve been together for far too long and that’s it.

when you join group, or guild, or talk to that one cute sassy chick in the cinema, what you do is, you make them being interested in you by showing them your traits or personality or anything that would make them interested in you. that’s just harsh truth but no one’s gonna be friends with you just out of blue, and no one’s gonna date you because you’re just nice.

First of all, before you join guild, ask yourself why are you joining a guild.
I join guilds to raid mythic, other people join for M+, others for PvP, others for social interactions, others to make friends, yadayada.
then focus on getting what you want.
what you want right now I assume is friends, so work on your socials skills, asp. makes it harder yes, but you gotta put effort into learning how to behave and exist in social environment.

what you do now is, you join a group and you want them to give you things you want, even tho they have 0 interest in it, even tho they dont know you, and even tho you gave them 0 reason. so work on that! show them your good traits and people will be friends with you just like everyone else.

and no you dont have to fight for respect or anything, you gotta earn it by being your best self.
also try “looking for friends” thread which is pinned in general

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Kudos to you for coming here and talking about your Aspergers, the more we talk about it the more it will get understood and not treated as one of those ‘unmentionable’ subects that no one mentions.
There’s a lot of good advice already given on this thread already, so take heart and realise that you’re not alone, mental health issued affect a lot more people than you probably realise.
My view is that we’re all on the autism spectrum somewhere, there is no such thing as ‘normal’, a lot of people learn at a very young age to mask it and hide it away. IMO not a necessarily healthy thing to do.

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Sounds like maybe you need to try and find a more understanding guild or just create one yourself. I know a few people online who are on the spectrum and they always seem very literal and can be blunt to the point of rudeness but it doesnt bother me coz I know they rarely mean ‘bad’ things the way they sound!
TBF it might not even be the Aspergers…you just might not click with this particular group of people!

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Bit out of topic but fking medical field has defination or some sort of name for everything and many times considered as mental illness or whatever.

I considered as normal human behaviour - just my 2 cents.

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In my experience, don’t specifically mention the actual name of the mental illness.
Very often upon hearing it people will form an opinion/view of you based on the stereotype on how it’s portrayed in media like films and such.

If you just stick to the things/symptoms that are specific for you, people will get a more realistic view on who you are.

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Best advice I could give is: find a place that feels nice to you. Don’t settle for any guild. A guild needs to fit you as you need to fit into a guild.

It can take time but eventually you’ll find something where you can be yourself.