Middle Management is tough. I’ve been there. (In an industry where I could even be sent to jail for three years if I made a mistake!).
Way to look at it is this, and I won’t sugarcoat it.
If your staff are happy in work, then you are doing your job right. Better than most, it sounds.
If your superiors are happy with your performance in the role, then you are doing the job right.
The key component that is missing, is your own personal satisfaction with how -you- feel you are performing.
Everyone else, from your description, think that you are doing an awesome job, So don’t change what you are doing, those under you think you are cool, those above you think you are ticking all the right boxes.
It does sound like an Anxiety issue, which you can get help with, and there is no shame for asking a doctor for help with.
Very wise piece of advice I once got from a lovely bloke, about ten years older than me, was this. He was a Falklands War Veteran soldier, and had…horrible PTSD issues, but what he said about health at work, and ability to cope is paraphrased thus;
“If You’ve got bad toothache, you go to the dentist, and no one looks at you shamefully for doing so. If you break your arm, you go to the hospital, and no one looks at you shamefully for doing so. If life, or you, break’s your mind a little, then why is that any different? Feel no shame, pick up your backside and get medical aid!”
He actually put it in cruder terms than that, but you get the idea.
It sounds like you’re doing your job role just fine, as it stands. Happy staff, Happy Bosses, You’re the one that is unhappy. Sometimes we don’t notice that when everything is going smoothly, there’s part that is desperately not OK?
Stick with what you’re doing. Talk to your local Doctor, and if they say “Yeah, we will give you this medicine to help” then so bloody what? No one at work needs to know, and it might be the relief that you need.
Trust me, Mental Health is just as vital as Physical Health, and should be regarded the same.