(RP story )A soldier's homecoming

[Garruk-steamwheedle-cartel (Garruk)]

we are surrounded!!
*That fool of an officer led us into a trap, a glory seeker HA! he run away like a coward at the first sign of battle *
the alliance is attacking from all sides! my fury overtakes me I swing at them with my axe left and right fighting with all I got suddenly PAIN! searing pain I see a sword in my chest and a young human holiding it he looks scared .
–I must keep fighting!
my power leaves me
–the regiment!.. my friends… I must keep fighting!
I fall down I feel the fresh grass on my face the sound of the battle fades
-I must keep fig…i mus…
for a moment I laugh at the irony I survived all those battles only to fall at the hands of a child!! it’s getting cold everything is slowly fading and then…nothing
and in the darkness
Grey mist and a blur surround me I can not see -how could this be am I dead ?
through the mists I hear chains and I see cold piercing eyes looking at my very soul!
-where am I ? is this death ? I am I still alive ? you with the chains ANSWER ME!
*no answer I get but silence * a strange light surrounds me the blur and the grey mists clear and
I see a broken wasteland littered with the broken weapons and bodies of a thousand battles
i see an army marching towards me
Among them I see the faces of fallen brothers and enemies who fell by my hand of warriors from all races and of long forgotten heroes from ages long past looking at me welcoming me!
I see a dwarf approaching me his armor is bloody and covered with dents
-you! I remember you in stromgarde I killed you… how are you here ? what is happening to me ?
*the dwarf puts his hand on my shoulder and says *
I welcome you my enemy and greet you as a brother
you who died in a field of glory
your journey over and so Is your worry
your eyes where closed and now you see
your pain was great and now tranquility
a soldiers duty will never end
not once in life not now that you’re dead
For lifeless hands must still bear arms
welcome to maldraxxus you are now one of us!

(first attempt of writing something like this, what do you think guys ? )

[Lytherael-argent-dawn]

So this is meant to be a first person short story, right?
There’s a good couple of things I can see that needs fixing at first read.

First, if you’re writing a short story, you do not begin a new line so often. It just confuses the reader and makes it look like a poem.
The cases when you actually need a new line is either when you start a new paragraph or after dialogue. But I see you interrupting one character’s speech with a new line as well, where you should have just put a comma at best, continued without any interruption at worst.

Secondly, to this day I do not understand why I have to explain it to so many people, but please, for the love of all that’s holy, start every sentence with a capital letter. Exclamation marks, dots and question marks always mark the end of a sentence. There’s a capital letter after those.

Third, the grammar isn’t the best. I could spend a fair few minutes looking through and pointing each and every mistake out if you’d like. But read through it yourself again first and see what you can spot.

Also, it was confusing to me at first too, because I’m not a native speaker either, but in english, instead of hyphons ( this: - ) we use quotation marks for dialogue. So instead of using a - (hyphon)
-Like this, when the character speaks…
“We do this. It looks a fair bit better in my opinion.”

Another small note, I would opt for a third person and past tense format instead of trying with the far more difficult to handle first person present tense, during your first attempts at writing. I know, I made the same mistake and it similarly did not look too good.