Stormwind Times
Your local weekly newspaper, bringing you the latest and greatest from our nation’s capital.
Financial Times
A letter from our editor, S.McPhrizzle “The Stormwind Times regrets to inform its readers that is been going through financial difficulty of late. We are sorry that our paper has failed to meet its targets of a weekly release. However, we shall endeavour to release the news as often as we can to keep our valuable readers in Stormwind up to date on what is happening in our dear city” With the lack of a paper for a month, this edition will be our largest yet! If you would like to buy shares in the Stormwind Times, contact our financial advisor, Dr. S. McPhrizzle.
Orphanage Bust up
Stormwinds Mage District Orphanage has come in to question over the last month after it was reported a number of children were appearing from the building injured, malnourished and mistreated. The authorities were alerted early on, and an investigation was set up.
Our reporter, S.McPhrizzle, managed to get inside to take a look around and found a shocking scene. The building was over crowded, most beds were in ill repair and the food the children received was sub-par. However, owners Lord and Lady Patheron were working on sorting the issues. Workers had been brought in to improve the living standards and repairs were being made to the building.
More worrying, however, was the late night demonic languages that were heard being chanted in the Orphanage. Reports suggest it could be a game the children play, but far more sinister rumours are abound with many suspecting the children themselves are actually demons, summoned by the Lord and Lady. These remain rumours however.
The Guard investigation clearly managed to drum up some dirt on the owners, as a warrant was issued just last night, by senior magistrate Kaitlan Graham, to search the place. The guard visit proved to be unwelcome by the owners and a fight ensued. Flashes of green light were seen, and demons were summoned to the fight. The guard did prevail, however, and brought the Lady Patheron in to the holding cell where she will be questioned. Lord Patherons whereabouts is unknown. The children remained unharmed from last night’s violence and will now fall into the care of the Cathedral until suitable accommodation can be found for them.
For Fels Sake
We reported a number of weeks ago that local Stormwind menace, Demon Lord Galorphar of the Black Claw, had resurfaced. These reports appear to be correct as the city has been plagued with fel magic, similar to his known trace, for weeks now. City forces have responded to information about Lord Galorphars layers, and incursions into these layers have taken place with mixed results.
However, an explosion of fel was sighted in the Old Town, near the guard headquarters, on the 1st of the month. Guard sources suggest it was performed by Lord Galorphar. A strange puzzle piece was found by the guard and taken for examination. However the piece seemed to be animated and targeted guard members, before exploding into a ball of felfire. Casualties were minimal but questions remain as to how Lord Galorphar can so easily toy with the guard.
Further evidence to suggest his return was found in the shop known as Stephano’s, in the Mage District. The 8th of the month, guard responded to a distressed call from a potential customer of Stephanos. The door was found off its hinges, a fel explosion seemingly doing the work. Inside the shop, Stephano was nowhere to be found and a strong trace of fel magic was apparent. It seems a portal had been opened in the shop with Stephano presumably taken through it. The portal was closed and dispelled safely enough, but questions remain unanswered – the main one being, where will all the nobles get the latest fashion trends now?
What’s on the box?
There was a commotion last Tuesday, 2nd, as fighting ensued at the Shady Lady tavern in the Dwarven District. Initial reports were confusing as to what started the fights, with fel magic being suggested, as well as the question of whose round it was! However, it seems that magical ring boxes had appeared in the tavern and everyone who touched them seemed to desire them greatly.
The landlord, Quincy, had no recollection of how the boxes ended up in his tavern, all he knew was that most of the patrons began shouting and fighting over ownership of them. One gnome customer was heard shouting ‘my precious’ as he tried to flee the building with a box. A fellow gnome managed to stop him, however, knocking the two of them unconcious, with the box being left unattended.
Guards eventually turned up and calmed down the situation. They managed to gather up the shards of three boxes, which had been destroyed in the turmoil, whilst taking two whole boxes away for evidence. The cause of this deep yearning to have the boxes baffles even the brightest of minds and reports came to the ‘Times’ later that evening that three of the guards had started fighting over one of the boxes. The whole situation remains unsolved! Is the city just going wedding crazy, or something more sinister afoot?
Sackman John back at it!
Another body was discovered on the 11th of last month, found with a burlap sack over its head. The victim, named Rolt Smit, was an ex-war hero, left for dead in the Trade District. The use of the burlap sack seemingly relates the victim to two further murders earlier in the month. Guards remain confused as to who the killer is with a wide array of suspects. Citizens on the street continue to be worried that ‘Sackman John’ could strike again soon.
A further body was discovered later that month, the 27th, at the Old Town fountain, in a seemingly unrelated case. The body was that of well-respected noble, Lord Jaquan Rutherford. Lord Rutherford, known for his respected food trading company, Rutherfoods, was in a well-publicised battle with another trading giant, Lord Gregoir Daltharion. The Daltharion case has featured heavily in the ‘Stormwind Times’ over the last few months, with attempts having been made on Daltharions life. Guards remain unaware of the culprit of Rutherfords death, but Daltharion must be the first suspect!
‘On Guard’ – our weekly guard update
The Stormwind City Guard had a weekends training camp up in the hills of Elwynn last weekend and it was reported as a great success. Military personnel from the Stormeagle Vanguard and Order of the Silver Hand were also in action, training with their allies from the Guard. The main event of the weekend, a survival session, was won by Corporal Kamrynn Tailor and Sister Maryanne Weston.
The guard regular have sparring competitions amongst the ranks, and the latest one has just finished. Corporal Kelda Cogbeam won the competition, spending the most time on the top rung. ‘Bottom Rung’ was given to Sergeant Saridiel Firmstone, for ‘holding up’ the ladder for the longest length of time. Major Shi Liung finished the ladder on top spot and was also awarded the ‘Punch bag’ trophy for taking the most hits. The ‘bullseye’ trophy for landing the most hits went to Corporal Kamrynn Tailor. The final trophy, the ‘Training Dummy’ was presented to Commander Nakama Atlan, for taking the most hits without reply.
Latest Titbits
Congratulations from all at the ‘Stormwind Times’ to the new Mrs and Mrs Umbrosa. Shalyer Umbrosa and Gillania Morningdew were wed on the 10th of last month. The ceremony was held in the Stormwind Cathedral garden, with Moonpriestess Ailuro Fogsight overseeing it. Guests were entertained well into the night at the Blue Recluse, with music, dancing and other frivolities.
Madame Fort’una’s predictions and advice for masses.
"Zis veek’s horoskope is for Mages among us.
Relationship vith friend vill bekome rocky when you transforrrm zem into sheep. Made vorse bekause zey are kuter like zis, da zey are. Exotic travels are in your future as unexpected event katches you off guard at end of veek. Be vary portal usage, arkane magics are not your friend. Someone is admiring you from afar. Or maybe zat is beholder. Madame For’tuna kannot see everything!"
(No refunds, exchanges, or svapped predictions. You don’t like it, sue universe, not Madame Fort’una.)
A picture of Reynard Redcap outside ‘A Cut Above’ barbershop
Hairdressing of the highest quality. Look for the red and white of the barber shop, Trade District
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