The Stormwind Times - Issue 16

Stormwind Times

Your local weekly newspaper, bringing you the latest and greatest from our nation’s capital.

Lord Martin Patheron

The ongoing ‘Orphanage Saga’ took what looks to be the final turn this week, as the Stormwind City Guard finally caught and arrested Lord Martin Patheron. The orphanage owner had been alluding guards for a number of weeks, when it was confirmed he was wanted by city officials, after Rochelle Patherons capture. Lord Patheron was spotted attacking a civilian and her child, at the harbour, late on Tuesday evening. Candice Santana and Pebble were both out for an evening stroll when Patheron appeared and attacked the two.

Guards were quickly on the scene and after a small altercation took place, Patheron was arrested. Both Santana and Pebble were left injured but they are expected to make a full recovery. Guard sources confirm that both Lord and Mrs. Patheron are charged with serious fraud and theft, amongst other crimes. A hearing is to be set for both Patherons later this week, with Magistrates currently discussing the best way to conduct the trials. The ‘Stormwind Times’ will keep you up to date on all Orphanage matters.

The orphanage ran by the Patherons (in the Mage District) has fallen into the care of the Cathedral. All the children from the orphanage were sent to the home of Lady Maryanne Weston, in Hopevale, Elwynn Forest. Sister Mary, a Knight of the Silver Hand, opened up her home to aid with the care of the orphans, whilst the orphanage was cleared and made fit for purpose. Major Shi Liung, of the Stormwind City Guard, is overseeing the rebuild of the Mage District location.

Laughing Swine!

A recent rise in drug use has hit the city of Stormwind lately. Specifically, a drug known as ‘Gigglepig’ has appeared on the streets, with a number of users reportedly ending up in the infirmary. Reports vary wildly as to what the drug does, with naked dancing and crazy fits of laughter amongst those noted, but one of the common factors is memory loss. Whether the loss is permanent or not is still unclear. The source of the drug remains a mystery, but guards are treating the situation with caution. As yet, no fatalities have occurred.

With the constant wars that Azeroth has seen over the last ten years, it is no wonder that many of the users seem to be veterans trying to forget the horrors of battle. Many of the war veterans seem to have been spotted acting very out of character. So many of the heroes of war have fallen on hard times during peace, it is little wonder that they have found drink and drugs to help them get by.

‘On Guard’ – our weekly city guard update

Congratulations to Guardsman Trystan Rhydderch, who was promoted to Corporal this week. Corporal Rhydderch has been a guard for little under three months and in that time has risen to the rank of Corporal. The thirty year old has vast experience with him, having served in the military throughout the Pandaria campaign.

The Guard would like to wish former Commander Jarel Blazehollow well, after he recently retired from the guard force (again). The mageguard was always a regular sight on duty, standing guard and making quips about various passers-by. Guardsman Bob Roberts said “He was terrible at chess, truly awful. I really enjoyed beating him”

Latest Titbits

The midsummer cook-off took place last Sunday, with hordes of Stormwindians queuing to enter. The crowds were there to watch as Mrs. Fen Hua hosted the fabulously popular event. Four entries were carefully crafted for the judges to dissect. In the end, it was the city guards Major Shi Liung that won with her take on barbeque pork ribs! The fact that she is married to host played nothing into the mind of the judges, as they divulged into the deliciously drafted sauce, and the succulent pork ribs. Congratulations to all who took part.

A poultry crime took place last week, as a chicken theft was reported to the city guard. A citizen of the Dwarven District, Joseph Marshall, reported that his chicken had been poached by his neighbour and that he would not return it. A scramble took place between the two before the guard cracked the two apart. The chicken in question appears to now be on the run!

A local man was caught red handed last week, cutting down trees within the Cathedral district last week. Peter Smith was seen felling a tree late at night on the 24th of last month. Before the act was completed, he was told to leave, but carried out the chopping anyway. The gentleman was said to be branching out his business, and the wood would come in handy for his next venture. “Barking mad” Martha Stephens, his neighbour, claimed of Mr. Smith. Mr Smith has since been arrested by the Guard, awaiting a criminal defoliation charge.

Madame Fort’una’s predictions and advice for masses.

"Zis veek’s horoskope is for Mages among us.

Relationship vith friend vill bekome rocky when you transforrrm zem into sheep. Made vorse bekause zey are kuter like zis, da zey are. Exotic travels are in your future as unexpected event katches you off guard at end of veek. Be vary portal usage, arkane magics are not your friend. Someone is admiring you from afar. Or maybe zat is beholder. Madame For’tuna kannot see everything!"
(No refunds, exchanges, or svapped predictions. You don’t like it, sue universe, not Madame Fort’una.)

A picture of the Pig and Whistle, with barman Leofric Curtes with a large yellow question mark on top of his head

The Pig and Whistle brings you a trivia night! Friday 17th July, come down and enter a fun quiz. Entry is two silver, three members in a team!

((If you want to get involved helping publish the Stormwind Times, contact Sprizzle-EarthenRing in game, or via mail!))

((IC and OOC comments always welcome!!))

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