Your local weekly newspaper, bringing you the latest and greatest from our nation’s capital.
A Step Too Galor - Far
As the ongoing quest to stop Stormwind’s largest menace goes on, last Saturday saw a group of brave heroes head to Northrend on a mission to do just that. Reports surfaced that the demon lord Galorphar had a base of operations in Dragonblight, Northrend. The intrepid travellers, which included members of the Order of the Silver Hand, Stormeagle Vanguard and Stormwind City Guards, were lead on a merry mystery as they arrived to find the place abandoned. Preparing to head back to the city, two of the party were taken captive by Galorphar and disappeared into the night. Suspicions remain that the reports were forged by an associate of Galorphar, to enable the easy capture of two of the group
Knight-Captain Maryanne Weston, of the Silver Hand, and Corporal Kamrynn Tailor, of the Stormwind City Guard, were both kidnapped right in front of their comrades and whisked away by Galorphar or one of his accomplices. The ashen faced heroes returned to the city for more firepower, as the city’s mages set up a search party for the missing two. They were located somewhere in the Badlands late on Sunday evening and our daring heroes set out again. The group returned late into the night with the two captives in toe and a number of further injured members of the team. Rumours circulate that Galorphar was fed up of Miss Tailors incessant talking and just let them go, but given the injuries sustained, these rumours were quickly disregarded. Both Mrs Weston and Miss Tailor are expected to make a full recovery.
It seems that the Lord Galorphar is toying with our great city and its people. Civilians are asked to remain vigilant and report anything suspicious to city guards!
No Laughing Matter
Reports of Gigglepig abuse continue to emerge as further civilians end up in the Cathedral’s Infirmary. Another apparent war veteran turned up unconscious on 12th July. The gentleman, who appears to be in his fifties, remains unnamed. He has short grey hair and a grey moustache, as well as a large scar over his right eye, and is well built. If you know who this may be, please report to the Cathedral Infirmary.
Rumours have been circulating the city, about the drug, with the main question being ‘Why would you sell a drug that makes you unconscious after use?’ Many reasons slip through the whispers of the city’s gossip grapevine with suggestions that the Horde are supplying the city in an attempt to poison its civilians. One such rumour suggested it was sent from the keep itself, to deal with the cities overcrowding issue.
Whatever the reason is, it seems to have disappeared now. Since the latest case was admitted on the 12th July, no further reports have surfaced. In fact, many addicts seem to be crying out for the substance, with the dealers seemingly having vanished. Addicts, known colloquially as gigglers, have been seen wandering around hotspots in various states of desperation, calling out for Gigglepig. Some positive news, however, reaches us at the ‘Stormwind Times’, that one of the original coma patients seems to be having positive effects to a possible cure. The ‘Times’ will keep the city updated!
‘On Guard’ – our weekly city guard update
New relationships have been formed between the Stormwind City Guard and the Church of the Holy Light. A meeting took place between the two parties that went on late into the night last Monday, each offering renewed services to the other. It looks like the Cathedral Infirmary will be in charge of all medical cases when it comes to the Guard, whilst Guards will be given the full rights of the law, within the Cathedral grounds. The renewed bond has already seen results with Father Sarius Santana holding medical triage training for the Guards on Tuesday.
News has reached the ‘Stormwind Times’ of a marriage and they would like offer there hearty congratulations to Lord Galorphar, of the Black Claw, and his new bride, Zakuro Renee. In a very private ceremony near Fuselight, in the Badlands, they celebrated their love for one another. Onlookers reported nothing, as there were none.
A charity trivia night was held in the Pig and Whistle tavern last Friday night. Questions came firing from Guard Captain Leofric Curtes, also the manager of the Pig and Whistle, whilst plucky barmaid, Kamrynn Tailor, had the job of scoring the teams – with many contentious decisions. The quiz night and raffle was is raising money for the local homeless within the city of Stormwind. Raffle tickets are still available from the Pig and Whistle Tavern, with the draw set to take place next week.
A chilling case was reported this week as a frosty mage seemed to be angry over a dispute in the mage tower. The thirty year old, Mr. W. Oaken, was seen firing ice all over the district, making it incredibly slippery for everyone. He was heard shouting ‘let it go’ whilst his companions, some of who were struck by the ice, were asking him to calm down and just ‘do the next right thing’. The mages struck were unharmed, as the cold doesn’t bother them anyway, thankfully avoiding a frozen heart. Mr. Oaken eventually calmed down, and when asked about his outburst he said “It were just O laf.” Apparently, the mages were trying to play a joke on Mr. Oaken, opening a portal and asking him to step into the unknown. No one was hurt during the escapade.
Madame Fort’una’s predictions and advice for masses.
Zis veek’s prediction goes out to shinning beakons of Light!
Paladins among us! Someone’s in position to help you at beginning of veek… down stairs. Forcibly. Go ahead and accept favour, but realize other person may vant something in return. Shoe is on other foot in middle of veek! Seriously, you put your boots on wrong. Treat yourself to something new over veekend. Have you heard of our lord and savior, ze void?
(Madame Fot’una’s scribe would like it to be known that all predictions are transcribed accurately and fairly. And that any lawsuits should be addressed to Madame herself, not a poor, nameless intern who pissed off the wrong Magistrate.)
A picture of Tweeny Sodd, the gnome barber of Trade Street, holding an oversized pair of scissors outside ‘A Cut Above’ in the Trade District
Need a trim? Want a new style? Magical hair growing? Come down today. All prices have been slashed!
((IC newspapers can be found in the Pig and Whistle, in the Cathedral and at the Guard HQ. Those with TRP-extended can search for players stashes))
((If you want to get involved helping publish the Stormwind Times, contact Sprizzle-EarthenRing in game, or via mail!))
((IC and OOC comments always welcome!!))