The Stormwind Times - Issue 18

Stormwind Times

Your local weekly newspaper, bringing you the latest and greatest from our nation’s capital.

Death toll rises

Worrying rumours seem to be circulating the city as the number of deaths rises. It seems a killer or killers are on the loose. Four cases over the last week have left the city Guards stumped.

The first, discovered on Sunday afternoon, was found near the memorial gardens, at Lions Rest. The guard were quick on the scene but failed to spot any culprits. The deceased was a female in her early twenties, recently having been convicted of assault and set to community service in the gardens. The culprit is still at large.

The following evening, two bodies were found. One, of a dwarf female, was found at the bottom of the mage tower. Witnesses spotted the deceased and called for guard assistance. The dwarf remains nameless as city officials search for any knowledge of who she is. Another body was found floating in the shallows of the Stormwind Lake, by the pier. A guard patrol spotted the body and pulled it from the lake but the man, in his late fifties, was already dead. Early signs show that he had has his throat slit. Our sources confirm that the man, veteran Gurthrum Smyth, had just been released from the Cathedral, having recovered from a recent illness.

A fourth body was spotted having fallen off the top tier of the harbour district. The young male seems to have been pushed. The guards are at a loss as to who is to blame but have approached the ‘Times’ to ask for witnesses to come forward. Corporal Doctor Cogbeam wants anyone to come forward, if they noticed anything suspicious around the times of the deaths. Specifically, if anyone saw anything strange around the Lions Rest on Sunday evening, around the Cathedral Pier on Monday evening or around the top tier of the Harbour on Wednesday evening.

The Stormwind Guard gave this quote to reassure citizens “We’re exploring all avenues of investigation, but we implore anyone who was in those areas around those times to come forward to offer information if they saw anything out of the ordinary”

A Night to Remember

El Said Karim Makram Nabil el Jasif. Quite a mouthful. The extravagant noble is hosting what his people can only describe as the event of the century! A celebration to end all celebrations. The generous host is opening his estate in Elwynn Forest to all of noble birth next Saturday (5th) from eight bells in the evening. His crooked servant spoke to the ‘Stormwind Times’ about the upcoming event.

“He’s hosting to celebrate an end to the hostilities” The servant appeared in awe of his master, who seems to be wanted to show his vast wealth. The butler’s expensive clothing clearly shows this affluence off. “The ball will be held of El Saif’s estate in Elwynn and all the nobility is expected to attend, even royalty.” Whether the King is likely to attend or not is unclear and the ‘Times’ couldn’t get a comment from the Keep.

El Saif Karim Markram Nabil el Jasif is not one of noble birth, having been born in lands far away from Stormwind. El Saif, which is a title he gives himself, akin to Lord, is a merchant by trade, always trading in the most luxurious of goods. Carpets, incense, and jewellery, to name but a few - all can be found aboard the merchants trading fleet. Rumours persist that he trades in slaves too, although the butler furiously denied these.

“Slaver is illegal in Stormwind, my master would never break the law” The ‘Times’ did some digging into the matter, but they found nothing conclusive. The party is on the 5th of next month and the gates with open from eight bells.

A picture of the invite is shown, a small scroll with fancy trim and letters written in shimmering ink
Hear ye, hear ye!

Cordially and most expeditiously thou art hereby invited to the most extraordinaire of extravagance!

Our most excellent lord, the great and honourable El Saif Karim Makram Nabil el Jasif honours you and extends his most gracious invite to you. A feast and a fest of grandest proportions! Drinks and food beyond your wildest dreams! A river of chocolate! Animals of all shapes and sizes, roasted and grilled to sate your appetite for months to come! Drinks from across worldly boundaries!

Come one, come all, to enjoy the most captivating presence of the Saif as he invites you to his personal estate grounds to join him in the festivities.

Plus ones are encouraged!

Formal dress is requested and required.

(( The event will take place on 5th September, from 20:00. ICly it is in Elwynn but OOCly it will be in Norwington Estate, in Tiragarde Sound, all are welcome ))

‘On Guard’ – our weekly city guard update

Congratulations from the Stormwind City Guard to Commander Nakama Atlan who celebrated six years of service earlier this month. Four of those years have been spent at the top of the ladder, leading them with a steady and fair hand. This six year spell is Atlans second stint in the guard. Congratulations, also, to Guardsman Wei-song Blackpaw for two years active duty.

The monthly guard sparring ladder finished last week, with Gregnar Otterlause winning this months ladder. Guards had permitted allies to join the ladder to test their skill against Stormwinds finest, and it turns out they aren’t Stormwinds finest. Congratulations to Gregnar.

Latest Titbits

A strange spar took place last week in the Guard headquarters training yard as Gregnar Otterlause came up againsta large Vykrul woman. The woman challenged Gregnar to a duel over some sort of artefact. The rules of the duel were to knock the opponent down, a feat which Gregnar achieved. However, the duel did not look like stopping, with blood being spilled. Guards had to intervene as the two fighters turned more violent.

Madame Fort’una’s predictions and advice for masses.

Zis veek’s prediction goes out to those who feel they should stay in ze shadows!

Niet matter how kute you zink someone is today, zeir punch vill say othervise. Zere is niet need to tolerate rude person, niet matter how attractive zey are or how poverful zey may be. If someone displays attitude of undue superiority, feel free to give zem piece of your mind (or your dagger). Taking zem down peg or tvo vill feel good, and vill earn you lot of respect from someone who’s been admiring your style for quite a while.

(Madame Fot’una’s scribe would like it to be known that all predictions are transcribed accurately and fairly. And that any lawsuits should be addressed to Madame herself, not a poor, nameless intern who pissed off the wrong Magistrate.)

Rumour Mill – the ‘Times’ always has its ear to the ground and here’s what the Stormwindians are gossiping about

Rumours that Gigglepig has returned to the streets seem plausible as the numbers of addicts crying out for it has dropped. The wretched like citizens were seen roaming the Old Town with withdrawal symptoms but have recently disappeared.

Rumours that Captain Artery Elixir spends more time in the Pig and Whistle than actually aboard his ship have been verified by his friend Alistair although Artery sees no problem with this situation.

((If you want to get involved helping publish the Stormwind Times, contact Sprizzle-EarthenRing in game, or via mail!))

((IC and OOC comments always welcome!!))


Great to see another IC newspaper has sprung up, and that news once again will be brought to the people!

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