So, as you all know, I play a Windwalker Monk. I’m currently the best geared Monk in the world and I have multiple world DPS records on WowMeterOnline. So I go into this Battleground because I feel like gracing my battlegroup with my presence, right? Everyone is cheering as I enter. They don’t bother putting down a mage table or healthstone because they know that they’re not going to need it–I, the Darkness, has come.
So I cast Karma on myself, because that’s what Monks do. They call down god damn CHI TIGERS and they SURROUND THEMSELVES with TURBOFISTS! All of my teammates are instantly fisted to death, but me? I merely bathe in the energy; it is my plaything. Even though my teammates are now charred corpses, they continue to cheer, because they know that I can solo this. The gates open. I run in. With Chi Torpedo and my movement speed is increased by
60% PERCENT
Horde sees me run by but they can’t do anything about it because I’m a monk and im running at
60 PERCENT
a Blood Elf Paladin with Crusader Aura on bubbles and flees in terror when he sees me traveling at
60 PERCENT
They can hear the stomp of my foots. They are all cowering–no, literally, they type the /cower emote and just stand there–as I cap the Stables. I cast WINDWALKING on myself–WINDWALKING, like Chuck Norris, and I careen towards the Blacksmith. The Horde there see me coming and they just /afk the !@#$ out. I put down my Storm Earth and Fire before I start capping Blacksmith’s flag. A Rogue tries to sap me–
BAM!
The Rogue is kicked in the face, as my Storm Earth and Fire KICKS him from the inside out! His leather clothing EXPLODES in a rain of blood that spirals around my beautiful female Human form as I continue to cap the Blacksmith. The kick rips through the Rogue’s bones, but it doesn’t even consider touching me–why? Because I’ve got
GRAPPLE WEAPON
A Warlock swoops in in Demon Form and tries to Conflag me but his Conflag does 0 damage to me because of
SPEAR HAND STRIKE
A Death Knight jumps in and he Obliterates me but it is ineffective because of
LEG SWEEP
Blacksmith caps. I mount up on my JAILER MOUNT–no, literally, I ride The Jailer around, the God of Death–and head over to Farm, because I feel like eating some potatoes.
POTATOES. BOIL 'EM, MASH 'EM, STICK 'EM IN A STEW. AND HEARTS. WINDWALKER DESIRES PALADIN HEARRRRRRRTS.
Just then, I see something through my . It’s the WoW General Forums! --People are complaining about how overpowered I am! They’re saying that Windwalker need to be nerfed. I smirk.
That’s when I decide to take out my TOUCH OF DEATH.
LITERALLY ONE SHOT TO DEATH
I slam the Touch of Death down into the ground. Arathi Basin shatters like glass–the ground falls out from under me. The fabric of SPACE itself CRUMBLES beneath my feet. I cackle as I enter the REAL REALM, becoming a TRUE ENTITY existing ON THE PLANET EARTH. I am a Female Human walking around New York–the cops try to stop me, but they forget all about me when they take a gander at my
RING OF PEACE
RING AND PEACE COMBINED. CAN YOU TAKE IT?
But then, in the spaces between the gathering crowds, I see something. Someone. The smirk on my face deteriorates. … it’s one of the Horde. A Death Knight.
I thought I had destroyed Arathi Basin. I thought I had won the Battleground. But all that time–
–But all that time–…
… there he was. Just standing there. Regenerating 1500 health,
per
global cooldown.
I glared at the Death Knight.
The Death Knight glared back at me.
Silence flooded the world.
“And there’s nothing you can do about it,” the Death Knight whispered.
