This is a continuation of a thread that got locked (for some unknown reason), but this is very much an important topic and needs discussing. In that previous thread there were some people advocating that you should just ignore the “mean words on the internet” because at the end of the day, they can’t hurt you and you can’t stop people from being mean. There was also an insinuation that speaking out against such behaviour qualifies you are a SJW and is impeding on other people’s freedom of speech when making jokes.
This to me is a very slippery slope which can quickly easily end up with people using terms like “autistic” and racial or homophobic slurs to insult others, under the guise of jokes and banter.
So, my question is, when do jokes and banter turn into bullying? Where do we draw the line?
Well there’s words that don’t work as a joke. To get your example if I tell you “You’re an autist/retard”. I can’t hide behind being a banter or a joke. That’s just the guy being stupid and aggressive.
When someone tells a joke that can be interpreted as bad due to it being slightly homophobic or something. You tell him that you don’t like it.
If the person is not an idiot, he’ll stop using these kind of jokes around you and the world go round.
Dunno if its jusy because im older… or grew up in a rough place. But why do words offend people? Especially on the internet with some randomers posting them. People can say anything they want, it would never offend me on the internet lol. It wouldn’t even offend me IRL. Literally couldn’t care less.
I would never report anyone either. In my eyes that’s bad haha.
Simply because people have different sensitivity, there’s nothing much to it. You can also be stoic most of the time, but some things can trigger you and while you’re “heated” in that state, you’re more sensitive to insults.
Offense is subjective, its “bullying and harassment” when its directed to you and you subjectively feel like its bullying you.
if you call me tomato and I feel offended, that’s bullying, if you call your friend tomato and he doesnt mind that, that’s not bullying. regardless if I think that calling someone tomato is rude or not.
As I said its subjective and depends on people participating in intercourse.
Over the internet, a line is a bit harder to draw. You can’t see the person’s facial expressions or hear their inflection in their voice to know how serious they are when they just type out insults, so often people just take other people’s ‘Banter’ as a dead serious attack on them when the person may just have lashed out for once. It’s pretty easy to take things the wrong way and call it ‘Bullying’.
Simply put, keep your “jokes” for friends and don’t call random people you meet over the internet by mean names and it’ll be a better place for everyone.
If I say something with the intention of hurting you, you have every right to be upset about it and call me out on it.
If I say something that is NOT intended to hurt you, but you still feel hurt… That’s your issue, your choice. Sure you can tell me that what I said hurt you… And if I am a decent person I will likely take that into consideration.
Or I can say I won’t take it into consideration, in which case we arrive at a ‘let’s agree to disagree’ state. No problem.
But the moment you start -demanding- other people ‘respect your feelings’ you’ve crossed over into the opposite extreme end of the spectrum.
Deliberate bullying ---- Common sense and reasonable decency ---- overly sensitive crying about even things that weren’t intended to cause offense.
And most importantly: It’s FINE to feel offended. It’s fine. Nothing is going to happen to you. You’ll be okay. You’re an adult, you can handle it. Be offended, that’s your right. Have fun with it. Stop acting as if it’s a big deal.
Take Cathbadh for example. I don’t like him, I think he’s rude and offensive. And that’s fine. It just means I won’t like the guy and probably will react to him with some form of hostility or disdain. And that’s fine.
Nowhere. You can ban few ‘bad’ words but in the end it’s all about FEELING. Therefore there is no point in trying to blame speaker on how his/her words may or may not be interpreted by listener.
So the only good answer on ‘Oh, I am offended by this’ is ‘Well, it’s your choice, stop hurting yourself’.
I think a good rule of thumb is to imagine what was said was said in person and not from behind the safety of a computer screen. If you cant imagine saying any of those things to your mum or best friend then you probably shouldnt say them to total strangers either!
Of course there will always be stains on humanity who just dont care but I think most people have a fairly decent moral compass even if the anonymity of the internet makes them forget sometimes.
We had someone in my guild that would make “jokes” at my expense, but you could tell from the tone that in his case, the intent was to offend and/or upset me. He’s no longer in the guild
I am all up for a laugh, it becomes personal when the tone starts becoming obviously more vitriolic (is that a word? Oh well) and that is where I draw a line.
I always felt that that in general makes for a good guideline as to how to treat other people: imagine how you would want people to treat your parents, and treat other people that way.
That is, assuming you’re not a misfit who hates his parents.
In this day and age they become bullying and harassment the moment the words leave your/the persons mouth. Its the new in thing to be instantly sensitive and have some sort of cause or issue to identify with.
I believe it is because these people are hurt themselves or someone hurt them. There is no need to joke about
I do not care what anyone says but people that are constantly doing this are really the ones that are hurt and most likely need serious help. Blaming their upbringing is only 10% of their personal will. Your parents and your surroundings do not make you into these type of people, you yourself do.
The truth is that you won’t ever get a perfect answer to that - everyone draws the line at different points. Because of that, it’s best to have a clear harassment policy that draws the line at a reasonable point and apologise to those that feel it is unsatisfactory, but to explain why the line is drawn at that specific point.
As you say, it’s a slippery slope, because if you give in to any complaint at all then you’re inevitably going to get people banned for very silly reasons. But at the same time, though there are those who believe nobody should get banned for ‘banter’, there’s obviously a point where you are being malicious and such behaviour needs to be curbed.
I have a very high tolerance when it comes to jokes but, as stated in this thread, if your intention is to hurt that person then the fun stops right there. I’m all up for banter but if someone tells me that what i’m saying is hurting them (no matter how harmless that might appear to me) - i stop and apologize. Needless to say i also cannot stand any racist/sexist jokes even when that appears to be “in” these days
The issue is that it usually starts with 2 people joking back and forth, then the jokes go too far or someone gets offended and then its bullying, harassment, and toxicity.
I personally ignore most of it as I do not know the people behind the computer screens when playing games. You can easily mute and report them in most cases.
Disagree, these are regularly tossed around in my place of work. Its all meant in good humour, if your offended then it’s your choice to be offended.
However I would add that it is the company you are currently keeping. Check your environment make sure the people you are with are ok with what’s being said. Be mindful, how well do you know the people.
There are jokes I would tell around friends I would not tell around my mother.
