When do jokes and banter become bullying and harassment?

when someone decides to get butthurt over someone else and take it too seriously

I already did that, that’s basically my last couple of replies to you…

Sorry to be rude, but at this point I think either you are incapable or unwilling to understand: in both cases our discussion is over. :slightly_smiling_face:

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You are free to be rude, I’d rather get my feelings hurt and learn something than have them spared and stay uninformed.

I disagree that I’m unwilling or incapable of understanding. From my perspective you seem to be losing track of your own argument. I have to quote your own statements back to you so you can understand what I’m basing my responses on.

So far the only example you’ve provided of how the advice is bad, is that it could lead to suicide/murder, which you then later refuted with the same logic I used in my original response to that statement.

You never provided any other examples of the ā€œbadā€ it could cause.
I’ve asked you if you are referring to hurting the persons feelings but you ignored that question.

Also, as far as I can see your reason for my advice being ā€œbadā€ also applies to your position of providing tailored advice. Unless you are a professional in the field you are just as likely to cause harm since you wont know if your advice is appropriate.
Which is why I asked you if you’re a professional but you ignored that question as well.

It seems unfair to accuse me of being unwilling/incapable/ignoring the detail, when you make contradictory statements and ignore my questions.

You have a great point. I believe that this is because we are babying our children and they end up growing up this way. What happens when you shelter someone for a long time and then let them out? What happens when someone very poor wins a lottery?

I, like you grew up in a place where calling people names and taking all of this to heart was not a thing. You would never go out of your way to offend someone and calling someone a name was just a burst of anger at the time of an argument.

Some of my best friends in irl are the ones that I got into a physical fight with or the other way around. What happened to one team winning and not everyone. You do not get a trophy for participation… WTH is happening to our world.

I was once bullied in school and then when I was tired I gathered some friends and waited for this bully after school then he got what he deserved… Now he is a great friend and since he stopped bullying and actually is a firefighter now.

When was it not ok for your dad to come home and break all your sh*t for not listening/helping your mom?

There is a massive difference between trying to offend someone and being offended because you were raised as a girl (apologies to ladies out there, it is just an expression).

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Its the context thats important. But Snowflaked dont care about context because they dont even know what that means. Im pretty sure that those snowflakes have it pretty hard in real life because there is no such a thing like reghtclick-report. Blizzard themselfes created the whole toxic community in OW for example by overcatering to the extreme snowflakes. And they went even against their own TOS by namecalling all those 18188 accounts in south korea… I would demand a refund since thats NOT why i would have agreed on in TOS/EULA.

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For me, it really depends on a few factors:

  • Source. If the source is someone who regularly engages in banter and means nothing by it, I can almost never take them seriously.
  • Tone of voice. Sometimes, the tone in which the ā€œbanterā€ was done can reveal the intention behind it, especially when comparing that tone to previous examples. If someone delivers the ā€œbanterā€ in a tone that sounds scornful, it becomes bullying.
  • Context. This one is arguably the most complicated. It is very situational, and depends on a variety of factors. All I can say is that it takes time to understand this part, and if you are the type of person who is slower to understand social cues (there is nothing wrong with that), you may find it harder to take words said in the context of the situation.
  • Frequency. Hearing the same joke over and over again can be tiresome in any situation, and often that reveals underlying thinking of the source. If you have a physical issue for example, and the same person constantly jabs at you for it, even if you ask them to stop, then that becomes bullying. There are no two ways about it.
  • Experiences. We are all the sum total of our life experiences and how we have handled them. No two persons, even twins, have had all the same experiences, so no two persons are the same. How you grew up, when you grew up, and where you grew up is very important here. This encompasses many things, including culture. For example, when I moved to the US a few years ago, I had to adjust myself to the sensibilities of the locals who had vastly different life experiences than me. Americans have a different style of sarcasm, and I quickly learned that my style of sarcasm (which is similar to what one may find in the UK) was not mellowing well, and was taken too seriously. So, I had to adjust it to sound more obviously sarcastic.

These are my thoughts from my own experiences. All I can say is that it takes time, and if you genuinely feel offended by something someone has done or said, kindly ask them to stop. If they do not stop, then you can classify that as bullying and take action as needed.

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im not a sociology major but I can tell you that treat others the way you want to be treated, if you wonder if something might offend somebody, put yourself in their shoes and/or reverse the situation. Usually you can figure out that saying a particular thing might offend the person since you wouldn’t like to be treated that way yourself. Humans are very selfish & narcissistic individuals. Often they may say something that’s hilarious to them but they don’t think about the consequences of what the other person feels. We’re all primates who want respect and to feel important in some way. Ultimately, positive energy defeats all negative energy, it can make you feel better as well as others. So stay positive motherfluffers :)))

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I replied to those quotes, pointing out exactly what I wrote and how it differs from your reading of them.

I never refuted suicide/murder can be a consequence of bad advice: I refuted I claimed it’s the only possible consequence. Again, you should be mindful of the details to be sure not to misunderstand/misrepresent…

The answer to your ā€œhurt feelingsā€ question is ā€œnot specificallyā€: of course hurt feelings are among the possible outcomes and potentially a bad one (this should be pretty obvious though…).

Another example of potential ā€œbadā€ outcome is pretty obvious: with your advice you want to ā€œsteerā€ someone in a direction but you might end up steering him in the opposite direction instead.

That this can happen is a matter of fact: reverse psychology exists and can be effective or required exactly because of this.

It’s a fallacy that either you are professional or you are just as likely to cause harm, since there is a third option.

Even as non-professional if you take time and effort to try to understand the recipient of your advice you are likely to increase the odds of giving good advice compared to blindly give advice irregardles of the recipient.

This is the reason the question whether I’m a professional or not is pretty irrelevant: even if I answer ā€œnoā€, it wouldn’t make me incapable of attempting to dealing with a situation better by tailoring my intervention.

The only contradictions are due to your own misunderstandings though, as I pointed out multiple times now.

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