He was cold like the steel that he was wearing from head to toe.
He had the nerve to call his golden tattoos beter than mines!
ā¦and she was bragging about her tattoos all day, every day when I donāt have a single one. 
Honestly ?
I though I could do better .
ā¦
Turns out I couldn`t ā¦ 
Kept shouting in his sleep. Something about pillage the rum barrels and keelhaul the chickens.
she kept squishing me with her body in her sleep ā¦ every mornig i felt like a squished pancake ā¦
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We had our little lovers squabbles, naturally
Every couple have them!
But the straw that broke the space goatās back, was when she calld me his cute little Alpacaā¦
From there it was all downhill 
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I think it went wrong when she asked me to nibble her ears, and i said āwhere do i start with that massive pair??ā
She mysteriously disappeared soon after, but i suspect i know what happened to her as Dunkiee tried to sell me a āhis and hersā set of ashtrays which looked suspiciously like space goat hoovesā¦
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Because he tells better jokes than me.
I noticed him spending too much time around Roux at our Necrolords cocenant hall, when he told me he was spending time spreading pestilance with the boys at Western Plaque lands.
My gentle fel heart couldnt take the realisation that he actually prefers thicc girls, when he told me i was the cutest Warlock on the block.
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She lied to me!
āIām a Fire Mageā she saidā¦ āthe flames are green because of the barium on my hands!ā
She is a Dwarf soā¦ I belive it
Then came the excuse, āI am a Chaos Mageā
But when I came home early, there she was, with two sayaad making love in the name of worshipping a little black goat
Then I realized, she thinks I am the avatar of her lord Baaāl or had something sinister in her twisted mind for me
Teleported away as soon as it was possible! Fel, I even bent time to make it quicker!!!
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Found out she was having an affair with Podruge - the signs were all there when i stumbled across a portal snd went through it.
When i saw them both in a loving embrace, that was it. That mage and warlock are welcome to each other nowā¦
He called me washed up, I just couldnāt stay with him after that!
We really wanted to make the size difference work but it was just way too big.
It turned out, he isā¦ he isā¦ a vegetarian!!!
I could accept the fact, he is a Shaman. I mean he was young and needed the money. We all been there
But that?!
My housband, the slayer of carotts and destroyer of lettucesā¦ 
I had no choice, I had to leave him
He dishonored himself. Dishonored our familyā¦
ā¦and our cow
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Have you ever tried to big spoon someone with backswept horns?
The only reason I still have my sight is Iām a healer. I was my own paramedic.
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She had drinking problems
I know, I know there are programs and I should have helped her, instead I left her
Iām a horrible person
But can you blame me?
Her problem with drinkig was unbearable!
Her problem with my drinking!
Really, she always had problemā¦ day after day, night after night! The nagging and bickering why I wonāt drink another one?
Iām a Vulpera! My liver only could take a fine amount of ale before gives up!
And Iron stomach donāt means iron liverā¦
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I kept killing bugs around the house and when my clothes got all itchy and everything I realized they were Ryoshunās fleas 
As a Troll I donāt judge much, but that was a clear deal breaker, Iāve got some standards.
You revived this sad thread 
I had no choice!
(No pun intended.)
We need more games ^^