She was much prettier than I was 
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She winked at me, she smoothed her eyebrows and she gave me bedroom eyes. Her heart rate doubled, her breathing became shallow and rapid, she panted in desire and peeled off her leather at every opportunity.
Then I realised why I was always sitting with my back to the mirror.
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Her tendrils were making most of the job.
I think she wants to kill me… And possibly eat me 
She bought a solarium and asked me to go get a tan
When I pointed out the sunscreen was BBQ sauce, she just laughed and said she made a mistake.
When I pointed out that solariums don’t have open fire beneath them, she laughted and said she wasn’t technical and it was just another mistake 
She also bit me, and when I got angry she just laughed again and said ‘I was so sweet she could eat me’… But she also just “dropped” a bucket of honey on me 
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She refused to go to Mac’donald taking a hamburger 
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His tail was to fluffy for my taste
Too fat for this gnome to carry around
I’m sorry i only date blood elfs this was a mistake. It’s not me it’s you.
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For going on and on and on about wanting to be a high elf and how Orgrimmar people aren’t her kind of people and how we should move back to Silvermoon where they’re sooooo much more refined.
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I’m more of a woman-person.
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he kep calling me mon
But it’s okay. You found me in the end <3
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i could never correctly pronounce his name
Pickpocketed the guards and Anduin and pretty much even the kids in Stormwind .
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We started great, had really fun but things just went south. In the end, we could not even look each others in the eyes
Not enough tentacles 
He out-purpled me.
She didn’t like my gnome jokes
Insisted on living in a burning tree
Well elves aren’t really my types either… but we’re getting there, no space goats as well.