So you happen to play World of Warcraft Classic, yes? Congratulations, you’re playing one of the most epic games in MMORPG history, kudos to you.
But because you are a rational human being, who maybe happen to have a job and a family, you would like to know how you can maximize your time playing. Who doesn’t!?
Then I have some good news for you; today I’m gonna teach you exactly how you can win at this game - and even earn a few bucks on it as well, now that is gonna keep your girlfriend/boyfriend at bay.
What you need for this:
A computer.
At least 14.99$ - depending on your location this may vary.
World of Warcraft: Classic installed.
Spare time.
Optional:
A second monitor for your favorite TV-shows - I recommend South Park, oh how I love that stuff.
A monster energy drink to fuel you whenever the motivation dwindles.
Great, now you have all of that, you’re ready to go.
Go make your account on Blizzard’s webpage and download the game. Whenever you’re done, you can log in and begin your journey. Pick whatever class you’d like, I recommend hunter for a beginner (or warrior, for a reason that will become clear later on) and go level. You can find numerous leveling guides online, and it will be worth your time.
Finally, after weeks and weeks of grinding boars, you managed to hit 60. What a great feeling, huh? If you were efficient you managed to do it all within 30 days, which means that you didn’t have to pay any additional fees. Now you can go find a raiding guild and slay Majordomo and Ragnaros, or maybe you’re more into the PvP kind of thing: “For the horde”, am I right?
But you don’t wanna do that, you want to maximize your time spent in-game. Someone on the world wide web is seemingly prepared to pay you 200$ for your account, and who wouldn’t want that? So you accept - This is strictly prohibited as blizzard does not like this, but don’t seem to care apparently.
Now you have 200$ on hand, what’s next? Now you can go online and find several programs that can help you automate your gaming time. I don’t know the price of this but let’s be generous and say it’s maybe 50$ for a good program. Now you have 150$ left, and you choose to buy 5 wow accounts for a measly 75$ and then you’re left with 75$ which can be used to fuel your newfound habit of energy drinks.
You set up 5 mages and let them play the game for you. You will get tons of reports and be harassed by other players because they know what you are up to. But guess what, you don’t care! Because Blizzard knows that you are paying for those accounts, so why would they!?
In just under 2 weeks you manage to get to 60 on your 5 characters, basically doing nothing but enjoying your life and spending time with your family - oh, and drinking energy drinks, because you haven’t kicked this habit yet.
Now you check your inventory of said characters and see a whopping 600g on each, which means that you now have a total of 3000 gold available. Much more than you could dream of making on your own. You will, of course, buy new abilities for your best friends, and this removes approximately 100g on each character making your total gold 2500 - but hey, it’s still a good amount.
What now!? Do you just sell these and continue the vicious cycle? No of course not, you know that Blizzard doesn’t care about this so you keep them running. But you quickly realize that just grinding mobs isn’t making you as much gold as you’d like. So you google and find out that there is a dungeon called Stratholme in the Eastern Plaguelands which is the home for undead and cheaters. You also realize that you have picked the most efficient classes for this job, and you fix a nice route for them.
In a matter of days, you accumulate thousands of gold. But what do you do with all of this newly gained wealth!?!?
Don’t worry friend, I have your back. You make a new toon and level this by hand, but at level 12 you can’t be arsed, because Blizzard don’t care anyway. This will set you back another 15$, but I hope you’ve saved some of the original 200$ didn’t blow it all on liquid addiction. So you power bot this to 60 and in 10 days you’re there.
Now, this is your new character, you call him “Mrflappy” because it’s a nice name!
Mrflappy is a big mighty orc warrior, and he has no gear, no mount, no gold or anything. So you, of course, send him some of your thousands from your slaves and start flaunting dem cash. Soon you have everything, edgemaster’s handguards, lionheart helm, 100 arcanite bars - because why not, maybe you… ehm… get the drops, and you don’t like the wolf mount, you want a raptor so you buy runecloth and soon you have a raptor. You even find the flurry axe for only 5k gold, but it’s no problem! You see them, you want them, you got them.
But BoE’s can only get you so far, in order to really show off, you need the juicy raiding gear. But how!? There is no way you can use your newfound power of programming, to conquer a 40 man raid with tactics. Don’t worry my man, again I have your back.
You find a random guild, which you don’t care about but who has everything on farm. You act nice and try to befriend them, and they even help you out with attunement, nice fellas. When Wednesday hits you get invited to the raid and ready to slay some bosses. You don’t understand what you’re even supposed to be doing but you don’t care, because you have flasks, elixirs, consumables to keep you alive and at the same time keep your damage high.
When you finally kill Chromaggus, his sword drops, Woah, what a beauty! People bid 200, 400, ONE THOUSAND DKP on it. Man, this sucks you think. You look at your DKP tab and see that you only have 50, no way you’re gonna get that. But who cares about DKP!? When the winner gets his sword you just whisper him:
“Hey man, you wanna sell that sword?”
The guy is laughing his a** off because he has spent 2 months getting that DKP and it finally pays off.
“No thanks dude” He replies.
“What about 3k gold?”
Suddenly, he begins to shake, because 3k gold is a lot of gold. Especially when you do everything by hand and is an honest player. The greed within gets the best of him and he accepts your offer. 3000 gold is deducted from your inventory but a mighty sword appears. You equip it and everyone in the guild goes “WTF”, people start whispering each other and asking questions.
You just simply say that you bought it. People are a bit mad about this because they feel it’s unfair. But you don’t care, because you have the sword and gold is no problem. You will make that gold back in a few days on your voodoo dolls.
This cycle continues over a period of several months until you finally have bis in every slot possible.
But one day, you try to log into your guys and you can’t. “This account has been permanently suspended.” It says. That is odd you think, have they finally caught on to you?
They have, Blizzard, have finally after several months swung their mighty banhammer onto you! This makes you a bit annoyed because you, of course, didn’t bot, did you? Nah, no way. You try to appeal the case just trying to act stupid, but Blizzard won’t grant you the freedom you think you deserve.
You get mad and angry at the world, you spent so much money on this and a bit of your time as well, and all you have is a bis geared character and inflated economy that most normal people can’t participate in. You quit the game and some random dude offers you 1000$ for your account which you happily accept.
What a dumb game you think to yourself, but your girlfriend/boyfriend is happy that you made this amount of money for very little. You spend it without a care in the world, and everyone in the game is to pick up after your mess.
THE END!
Seriously, guys, this is just a joke. But Blizzard needs to wake up, there are so many botters in the world and it is getting outrageous. People shouldn’t be able to do this, as it messes up everything for the rest of us. I hope with this jokes illustration that Blizzard takes a harder look at the actual players rather than their investors.