For a long time, throughout vanilla up until WotLK, I roleplayed with close to no OOC contact. I refused to answer to whispers, and made the guild channel unavailable for all ranks (while encouraging guild members to create their own OOC channel). For me, that was very liberating, being entirely unbothered by whatever played on an OOC level, and forcing myself to arrange all roleplay through IC means. I think it might have intrigued the guild members also, as they would roleplay with me on a daily basis, but never really knew the player behind the character.
However, this would also make me blind to whatever struggles my members had OOC. There usually was an officer who would join the OOC channel and filled in that much needed part, and I’m assuming they took care of that sort of stuff. Then again, since I had no OOC contact, I never had a problem with people, and never asked them to do more than roleplay their characters when they were around.
But as Kaytlinne experiences in the guild she’s in, the same was true for me: Every guild I’ve been in, and every guild I ran, had the standard description rule that said ‘RL > RP’
Can you imagine being a child in the future, and your history teacher going “Today children, we’re covering the year 2020, we’ll be on the year 2020 for a while now, so get used to it”
A Week of lessons later “Wow Sir/Miss, that was a crazy time!”
"What do you mean young Master Jones, that was just January to March 2020 just wait till you see what happens -next-!
I’ve had some of my guildies tell me (and I won’t name which or who, for obvious reasons) that they’ve tried to have breaks from their guilds on alts for mental health, and have been treated so horribly that it really makes me sick. One instance being one of them who has a disability, physical, that makes her bedridden at times asking to have a break, being denied it, and then being booted from the guild on automatic after then being told she had been bullying the officers when she stated she was unhappy about the non lenience towards her mental health.
Another one I know, an officer of a guild, was told that she was essentially nothing compared to the GM because her ‘mental health gets in the way of her being an officer’.
People, please. We’re all here to RP and create good stories with each other. Can we, at least, not stoop to using mental health as an insult? We all have issues. Showing basic respect and understanding goes a long way.
That’s the thing as you say, we’re a community and accommodate where possible as as guilds.
As a GM my motto was always “IRL first” if someone wasn’t able to do what they needed in an officer position. We’d either find someone to replace what they needed to do (for that event) or delay it until they were ready.
I don’t find the notion of being forced into something being fun. When I had officers, I wanted them to RP with us because they found it fun, not because they were being forced. More so when they had a metal heath to be worried about.
It’s about understanding and being able to accommodate really.
Almost every single individual in the world has had or has some sort of mental struggle. Some just do not want to admit it.
I do urge however, if you do get whispered by someone with clear mental struggles, have them seek out a professional. With lack of knowledge, your advice actually might either make things worse for the affected, or for yourself. Yes, sometimes people need someone to listen, and that’s enough in the moment, however, most of these struggles are deeply rooted in something else and needs further investigation by a professional.
Never be afraid to say to someone that you do not feel comfortable discussing it, and that you recommend them to get a doctor’s appointment for more fitting help.
Yes, some shrinks/doctors are absolute poopheads, and brush aside the issues, and sadly, many will be scarred from such an experience and never wish to visit a shrink/doctor again, but trust me… Not all doctors/shrinks are the same.
You know your body better than anyone else, and what you feel, is real to you. Mental issues can be worse than physical injuries, for it takes longer to treat, and more intensively so.
Be supportive and accepting to those who have this issue, for they are numerous, and they might just need someone who will listen.
For our own guild if someone needs a break … we let them. We’ve a limit of two months before we get chasing players down and even then if we approach a player in Discord and they say “I need some more time and will be back at X”, we’ll give them the time they need. Worst case and we do end up booting, they’ll be allowed back in when they’re ready to come back (so long as their character has remained overall the same since leaving, as we’ve limits on power level).
It’s showing that understanding that goes a long, long way. You want people to be in a guild because they find it fun. Nobody wants to come home from school/work and then have to go do their second job online. Not for guildies - being an officer/GM sometimes can feel like work, but that’s part of the schtick, and part of being able to have a good core is to make sure the guildies never feel like they’re getting that pressure. Guildies who have that pressure can quickly find that their mental health will deteriorate even further, and that’s something no Guild should ever want.
And as Lasarelli has said - there’s only so much we can do through online. Definitely advise people to see a professional, but don’t be afraid to be there to listen to them as well. Just listening and talking to them casually can do wonders, but advising them to get aid for their mental health is even better.
The restorative power of community and shared vulnerability can seem like nonsense until you actually experience it, I’ll go to bat for it’s effects after mine and some guildies’ stints with mental health issues minor and major over the years.
In voicing our issues to other people and receiving affirmation, we’re able to externalise the problem so it isn’t “just” in our head, and we can get confirmation that we’re not alone in our struggle.
Just as importantly, we can start to grapple with the issue like we do every other problem; we can gather information, perspectives, hear how others have managed a similar situation and ultimately try to cobble together a solution of our own.
Moreover, it may give us the motivation we need to actually seek out help. In seeing others with the same or similar issue, we can come to recognise that what’s wrong isn’t some inherent, unfixable hole in our humanity, but an illness or negative state of wellbeing that we’d seek treatment for like any other. Who knows, the people you open up to may even have experience with the resources you’re considering reaching out to, and can help ensure you get the help you need.
A pretty good post, especially considering the current year as Obahar said.
I will most likely just be echoing a lot of the points already made by other people, but I will be adding my two cents here regardless.
AD is a bit infamous for breeding a lot of needless animosity between people for various reasons OOC, to the point where some people go out of their way to try and ruin the lifes of others over a videogame. That is why it’s always important to remember that RP is not real. It’s a dollhouse and it should never become anything other than a hobby.
While talking to people you trust in certain communities about your problems can help for a time, I’d still suggest to contact a professional whenever possible if someone really does feel like they need genuine help to work something through IRL. I am speaking as someone who used to try and be a shoulder to lean on for almost everyone close to me in the RP scenes, communities and Guilds I was in, but at a point it can become harmful for the person trying to help others as well.
I doubt this year has been easy for anyone and I hope that people will take care of themselves and acknowledge the fact that some people may not be in a good place right now either.
You need to look after yourself before you try to look after anyone else, and the best advice we can ever give someone is to look for professional help. We’re not licensed therapists and while we can be there for someone, we can support someone, and we give advice to someone, it’s never going to match up to proper help.
From a glance it looks like this has been said already, but if you’re in need of help (and I mean REAL help), don’t seek it on Argent Dawn.
Yes, you can find friends on here that can and will help you through rough spots, but there’s plenty of people in every corner of this community that will on your mental health/your IRL issues and then pretend that their corner of the community is great for mental health support.
This is the truth. Sadly our forums can be a real -show at times. However, as has also being said, and what this thread prooves, is that there are still more gems here than lumps of coal!
Thank you for this. I recently made a massive decision to save my mental health and seeing this has reminded me that I did the right thing.
Ive been in plenty of guilds that have been very kind towards people with mental health problems, and I’ve met my fair share of individuals who have used my diagnosis against me (hence why I no longer tell people what I have).
What makes me mad is how cruel people are. If you say you are struggling, people will be kind; if you don’t, people can be incredibly cruel. There is nothing more disgusting than using mental health as a weapon, and anyone who does so, I am glad you’ve never felt the depthsof depression, unending panic attacks etc, because if you had, you would not wish that on your worst enemy.
Agree 100% with everything here. It’s derogatory, ‘sperg’/autistic in particular when used in that context. Another common one is ‘being OCD’ about things. Not only do they totally misrepresent the illness, but they feed the stigma. To those who say “grow a thicker skin”, I say, don’t be deliberately offensive/edgy. It’s not cool.
I wouldn´t say there was reddit expansion when it was all action of one person who is rejected by any sane member of RP community and somehow created in their mind an idea that PCU (which in their mind includes anyone who dislikes them) is this evil monstrosity with ties to Blizzard CMs.
can we not have depression instead
on your mental health/your IRL issues and then pretend that their corner of the community is great for mental health support.