The big reddit meme of ERP being “okay” if it’s private is some huge canard that doesn’t hold any actual water when u get down to brass tacks, honestly. If you see it or not, the drama & culture of cyb0r will still have ramifications for the community as a whole. One of my eternal anecdotes is when I’d roleplay on NWN servers, with some banning ERP, some allowing it; the former would have actual roleplay, the latter was all just pre-amble to sex.
I personally rmbr when a promising Huojin guild collapsed thanks to erotic roleplay (jackin’ it) drama, and the early pand community becoming quite corrupt with lesbian pandaren with fart fetishes.
It’s 100% OK for people to make these big shame threads - players have a right to know if other gamers do the big ERP, tbqh, so they can stay away from it; especially if they’re under 18.